Bon Voyage!!

The World Through My Eyes has moved!

Effective immediately, I will be blogging forever more at www.BigMamaCass.com.  Please click here to head over there and read the most recent posting.

See you there!

Swim baby swim!!

A totally inappropriate but HILARIOUS cartoon I found to kick off my blog today.

GUESS WHAT?!?!?!

My follicles are rockin their little socks off!! WOOHOOO!

My ultrasound went super duper awesome today and so I gave myself a trigger shot (to force my body to ovulate) with the BIGGEST needle IN THE WORLD!!!

ok, ok maybe it wasn’t THAT big

…at 1:15 today.  Annnd tomorrow morning we make the drive to Dallas at 5 am *gasp* to get the IUI.

I am OVER THE MOOOOOOON!  Tomorrow is the day we will make a baby.  I just know it will work.  And I know in my heart it will stick this time.

So I need y’all to do me a favor…

Say a prayer, cross your fingers, rub Buddha’s belly, throw salt over your shoulder, light a candle… whatever you do… do it!  K?

Please???  I will owe ya.  Kay?

Cheers to BM10!!!

PS… Please also say a prayer for my sanity tomorrow because we are going to have to take Monkey to Dallas with us.  The sitter can’t be here because she has a once a year seminar she has to attend for school.  (what are the chances?)  So little Monkey is going to have to make the trek with us.  Which should be awkward to say the least but I am trying to stay positive about it.  *all smiles*

Randomy Random Tuesday Thoughts

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Monkey has learned so many new words lately. He now says “Hi Mama” which is awesome!, “thank you welcome” which is hilar! and “I poop” which has really come in handy. 🙂

After he learns one that he particularly likes, he spends the next three days saying it 129385412903813 times.

Most recently, he learned how to say “clock”.  Although with toddler mouth, he leaves out the L.  You can imagine how much so not fun it is when out in public strangers hear my 2 year old scream “COCK!” every five seconds.

It won’t be long before child services shows up to verify that I am not running a brothel in my house.

I just keep saying, “yes Monkey, CLOCK, tick tock goes the cLLLLock” in hopes that the onlookers will see my frustration and not my inner child giggling.

Conversation with my Mother Friday:

Mother:  “What are you going to get Tank for Valentines day?”

Me:  “Just my love.”

Mother:  “Aww, that’s not good.  I think you should write him a poem.”

Me:  “Yeah? Like what?  Roses are red, Violets are blue, you better start picking up your dirty socks, or I’m gonna smack you?”

Mother:  “Ha ha ha ha ha!”

We are getting new furniture for our house.  I feel like a kid at Christmas.  I have never in my life bought new furniture that I picked out.  So this is a totally new thing for me.  And Hubby apparently thinks I have good taste and said yes to everything I chose.  Who knew?

I am actually DREAMING about new furniture now.  This is how bad I want it.  All new living room furniture and a new kitchen table!

I have tons more random but no time to tell you about it.  I will tell you, however, that there is a certain ROCKIN’ AWESOME someone who is designing a new blog page for me and OH MY LORRRRRRD I am so excited.  I feel like… like…  IMPORTANT or something now.  Don’t ask me why.

I can’t seem to find time to read any blogs, so you will have to forgive me for being absent.  I know I sound like a broken record lately, but I seriously cannot figure out who invented the whole “only 24 hours in a day” crap.  That is just complete nonsense.  We should start a petition or something.  Who’s with me?

What is random in your day?

Answer me this… Do you ever make faces behind people’s backs?  Do you think they ever make faces at you?

Getting Snowed Dear So and So Letters of Intent

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Dear Terra the Awesomeist Hairstylist EVA,

LOVE LOVE LOVE my new hair cut.

It’s SOOO edgey!  Does that mean I am cool now?? Although I wish you had mentioned that the grays are starting to take over my head.  Little jerks.  Will be in very soon for some color. *nod*

You’re the bomb!

Cass

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Dear Monkey,

I hope you had a fantastic 2nd birthday last weekend!! I is shocking to me that time is FLYING by so fast!  But for the record, you didn’t have to begin your terrible twos THE DAY OF YOUR BIRTHDAY!  And your over use of the word “NO!” makes finger nails on a chalkboard sound like a sweet symphony.  Just sayin.

Oh and all the strangers that you have said “EYE TWOOOOO” to, think you are just the cutest damn thing to walk the face of the planet.  At least that’s what their faces say when their mouths say “AWWWWWWWWWW”

You’re the mini bomb baby!

Love you bunches Monkey!

Mama

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Dear “BuyViagra”,

Thank you for your comment on my blog of “Your insight is perfect.  What a great blog!” Let me just say that from your comment I have learned that clearly you are a person of intelligence.

BUT…

when you said “Check out my website and tell me what you think!”, you will have to excuse me as I have to pass because your name, BUYVIAGRA, is a little telling.  And call it a hunch, but I have a feeling that you didn’t even READ my blog.

And I thought we were going to be great friends.  Pffft.

Soooo sick of spam,

Cass

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Dear Jasmine,

Happy Eighth Birthday!! I can’t believe you are so OLD!  Mama loves you so much.  Please stop aging though, nnkay?  I am starting to worry.

You will always be my beautiful baby girl.

Muah!
Mama

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Dear Texarkana,

Today is the only day in almost 3 years *gasp* that I have lived here that I think the city looks truly beautiful!

If you keep bringing the snow… Mama gonna like it.  *nod*

Lovin’ the white stuff (no not that white stuff, people, sheesh)

Mama

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Dear Ovaries,

Today is day two of our cycle.  Tomorrow we start the injections.  What do you say we make ourselves a baby!?!?!  WHO’S WITH ME!

HutHutHut Break!

(ok so I don’t know what they usually say in a huddle, but you get the idea, haha)

Baby Making 2010 has begun.  BM10 for short.  LOL

So dear, sweet, loving ovaries… please work!  pleeeeeeeease?

Thanks,

The Bod

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Dear Readers,

Time to play along! To participate in Dear So and So just click here to go to Kat’s Blog and get the button for your page. To participate in Letters of Intent, click here to visit Julie, over at Foursons and grab one of those buttons too!

Have a fantastic weekend!!!

Xoxo

Things I have learned from my Toddler #5

It is that time again for Things I have Learned from my Toddler!  If you want to see the previous four installments, click here.

I have learned that the toddler wants what the toddler wants.  If you have had or have a toddler, you know what this means.  If not… well then I can’t really explain it to you.  Go borrow someone’s toddler for 2 minutes and you will get it.

I have learned that if you are looking for your cell phone, the chances are good that Monkey hid it.  Not for any reason that you can figure out.  But there is a chance he will retrieve it when asked.  From places like his toy box, behind the TV and under his bed.  But there is also a chance that he won’t.  And that you will find it underneath your pillow, in the kitchen cabinet or in the hamper.  Regardless, be on alert at all times.

I have learned that if you make a #2 in the “big girl potty”, and your toddler happens to walk into the bathroom during or after the “occurrence”, you will not feel less embarrassed when he says “Ewwww!” even though it is only you and he in the room.

I have learned that my toddler is VERY territorial about food.  To “mark” his territory, he will take a bite out of everything that he wants and then set it down to ensure nobody else wants takes the item..  This includes all veggies that he thinks YOU will eat.  Or crackers, or MOMMY’S cookies.

I have learned that I cannot force my toddler to like ice cream just so I have an excuse to buy it even if I really think he should so I don’t eat it all cause it tastes so yummy.  And that in the world of what is yummy, he would prefer a juice box over ice cream any day.  Go figure.  (I know, what a weirdo, right?)

I have learned that when you are giving your toddler a bath and you hear this series of noises…

“Blurp Blurrrp”

“Hee hee heeee!”

“Blurrp Blurrrrp”

“Hee He He He Heeee!”

“Blurrrrrp”

“Uh oh”

“….”

“Ewwwwwwww!”

…It will be soon be followed with you having to bleach the tub and all the tub toys and washing your toddler in the bathroom sink all over again from head to toe.  Oh yeah, good times.

I have learned that letting your toddler stand behind you on your office chair while you play computer games work isn’t a good plan even though he screams bloody frickin murder if you don’t let him really wants to.  Because the truth is, lets face it, he inherited your balance and when he freakishly falls for no apparent reason face fist into the dresser drawer that is only open less than a half inch and puts a HOLE IN HIS FACE…. *deep breath* … you are going to feel like the worse mother ON THE PLANET.

Oh and then you will have to rush him to the ER and they will hold him down like a crazy murderer while they “FLUSH” his forehead with a fire hose! (ok maybe it was just saline) but I bet it FELT like a fire hose! And then they will use SUPER GLUE (medical grade super glue) to G.L.U.E. his forehead back together!!!

And then his perfect little face will forever bear the big ole sign telling the whole world “YOU ARE THE WORST MORTHER IN THE UNIVERSE!!!”

Or maybe he is just a boy and you need to get over yourself and suck it up cause I got a feeling there are more stitches and glue in our future with this one.

*sigh*

I have learned that 2 years goes by in a FLASH and that before you know it you turn around and you only have FOUR days until your precious Monkey has his second birthday! *gasp*

Oh yeah? I got yer letters right here!! Dear So and So Letters of Intent

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Dear All Y’all Reading (thats you!)

Thank you.  I don’t say that enough.

Thank you,

Cass

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Dear Super Mario Bros for Wii,

Are you sending subliminal messages through your music?  Is this why I can’t put you down and pick up a vacuum?

My house is suffering,

Mama

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Dear Monkey,

For the love of Bob! Would you PLEASE.TAKE.A.NAP.ALREADY!  Why do you have to make Mama suffer this way?  The sooner you go to sleep, the sooner you will be able to wake up and play with all your mess making toys!  See? Mama is looking out for herself cause she needs some down time YOU!

Love you baby, even though you are helping oil the gears in the machine mommy likes to call the LOONY BIN,

Mama

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Dear New Receptionist Bitch at my Therapists office,

Why must you be such an asshole?  Just because I am in therapy doesn’t give you the right to talk to me like I am a crazy.  Need I remind you that if it wasn’t for crazies like me, your ass wouldn’t have a job!

Kapeesh?

Signed,

The bitch who hung up on you yesterday because you couldn’t get your shitty attitude corrected long enough to get me an appointment

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Dear Hubby,

Please stop working so much.  There are only so many hours in the day.  Working and sleeping are the only two activities you do anymore.  We need you here.  Mama is about to have a breakdown.

Missing you and your naughty bedroom skeeels *wink*,

The Wife

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Dear Bi-Polar,

Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

You’ll never win,

Me

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Dear Funky Weather,

You are mucho confusingo. Si?

Signed,

Frustrated Mama Lacking all Spanish knowledge

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Dear New Cores Skittles,

NomNomNom

Thank you,

My Mouth

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Dear Readers,

Time to play along! To participate in Dear So and So just click here to go to Kat’s Blog and get the button for your page. To participate in Letters of Intent, click here to visit Julie, over at Foursons and grab one of those buttons too!

Have a fantastic weekend!!!

Xoxo

Random Tuesday Loony Thoughts and Daily Photo Blog! (woot!)

If you want to play along with Random Tuesday Thoughts, go here to get the widget and add your name to Mr. Linky.

Those are two of my favorite pics ever!  Awesomesauce! 🙂

I know I just said yesterday that I wasn’t going to blog very often.  But after just one day of blogging, I feel so much better.  Even though I write about useless facts and boring bits of my life, I realized something really important yesterday.  Blogging for me is VERY therapeutic!  I don’t think I realized how much until yesterday.

Thank you for all the amazing comments yesterday and the emails.  It was so sweet to get such a response.  Makes me feel good J

Part of my bi polar and anxiety is that my brain works 1000 miles an hour.  So while I am trying to type this I am also singing the lyrics to the song that is playing (Kanye West’s Love Lockdown) in iTunes, and anticipating the song that is next (Tik Tok by Ke$ha), thinking about the insurance issue with the physiatrist that I was supposed to see tomorrow and how they don’t take my insurance all the sudden and how I am waiting on this new doctor that is supposed to call to find out if they can get me in or not and how I live in this tiny town with not the best mental support system, and how awesome my therapy session felt yesterday and how I am starting to wonder if there is another baby on the horizon for us at all and if I can even try and get pregnant again right now and how I forgot to put lotion on my left leg today and how it feels surprisingly more dry than the right leg now and how I am thirsty and am halfway done with my seltzer and how I need to give the dogs a bath and how my computer monitors are so dusty I could write my name on them and oh yeah the laundry is backed up and the baby is still tossing and turning in his bed even though he just needs to go to sleep already and how I really can’t stand the thought of having another fucking thought right now!

If you are one of the very lucky people who doesn’t have to live with mental disease in your life, let me share something with you that you may not know.  YOU ARE SO LUCKY!  And all of us with mental disorder are crazy jealous of you and kinda want to squish your heads when you walk by.  Just saying.

This is a delicate act.  Trying to balance sanity and a nervous need to go FUCKING CRAZY.

OMG, I LOVE this Tik Tok song!!!

The other day I asked Tank when he was going to quit smoking.  He said “I will quit smoking when you quit Starbucks” and I said “done!” and he TOTALLY didn’t hold up his end of the bargain.  So I am giving up and going back to Starbucks tomorrow.  So there.

I know the anticipation of quitting is making him smoke more.  So he comes home and a green cloud follows him around.  It’s awful.  I cannot for the life of me understand how I ever smoked!  It baffles my mind.

I am diving back into music lately.  I am totally in love to the strangest of songs.  But I can’t help it.  I keep sending my 15 year old niece text messages saying “who sings ___?” and she always replies back with “Lol.. its ___”  I know I am old and uncool but I can’t help drive down the street blaring Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus, from my Mommy Tahoe windows, who while I think is a mediocre singer at best, I still like a lot of her stuff!  And I am totally unashamed! Woot!

So who wants to go major grocery shopping for me?  Show of hands?  Anyone?

*sigh*

So in the middle of all this nonsensical madness going on right now, Monkey is trying to master the art of opening doors!  Which I assure you will drive me RIGHTOVERTHEEDGE!

Can’t he just sit still and stop getting into E V E R Y T H I N G????

He is a toddler you say?  Oh.

Ok there’s that.

*sigh*

Ok off to clean up and go shop.

Anyone have any FANTASTIC blogs that I should read that I missed.  I had to wipe the slate clean today and start fresh.  Just link me in the comments to anything that I wouldn’t want to miss.  Point me in the right direction!  Please!!

Happy Tuesday!!!  XOXO!!

In other news…

Wow, it’s been a long time since I sat down to type a blog.  It’s been a long time since I sat down at the computer.  I just don’t seem to be feeling it lately.

Let’s see… what’s new with me…

Monkey is talking up a storm now.  So I don’t have to worry that he is going to fall behind and point and grunt baby babble for the rest of his life.  YAY!  Although, his new favorite word is NO, which sends me into a tail spin every time he screams it at me.  Some other new words include Hi and Bye, Up, Uh oh, Whoa, Cup, Cool which sounds like KOOOO, Elmo which sounds like MOMO, and my personal favorite… Shoe which he says like Shhheeeww.  And when we are in public he tells all strangers “MY MAMA!” and grabs my head and gives me a big kiss.  Apparently he doesn’t want any other random children to think they get to go home with me.

He sure makes getting out of bed each day so much more appealing.

We went to Denver for a visit.  I think I mentioned that last time.  It was madness.  The whole S.E.V.E.N.T.E.E.N days.  Yes, I went on vacation a trip ALONE… WITH A TODDLER for seventeen days almost a month!  Clearly this is reason enough to believe that I have completely lost my mind.

Seriously… it was fantastic to see everyone and I am so glad that I got to be home for a bit, but I will NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER do that shit again.  All I did was chase a toddler and scream “stop touching that!” every 2 seconds.  And as an added bonus I decided to give up ALL sleep (at Monkey’s request) and live on Starbucks and restaurant food for the whole trip.

But if that doesn’t have you completely convinced of my insanity, let me share a fun fact with you that I don’t think I have ever talked about on a blog before.  (Or maybe I did and just have no memory of it) Either way… guess what?  I am bi-polar.  Super for me right?  I know… you are SOOOO jealous right now.  Imagine how jealous your husband’s must be of my husband right now.  His life is just one continuous game of chance.  He never knows what card he will pick and when he will pick it.

So in the midst of my grand decision to travel to Denver with my almost two year old for seventeen days ALMOST SIX MONTHS and the fact that I have been unmedicated for the last few years… I pretty much started the decent into my breakdown.

Luckily, because this isn’t my first rodeo, I saw the signs and started to be proactive about my mental well being.  I am scheduled to see a psychiatrist Wednesday and am seeing my therapist more often than usual.  Today as a matter of fact.

And last week was the anniversary of my step dads passing, which is always a shitty time of year.  So I was going through that day thinking “I can make it, I can make it, I can make it”  And you would think that after 6 years, it would get easier, but take it from me… it doesn’t.

So I am more weepy, I am more moody, I have the attention span shorter than my pinky, my fuse is so short, all it takes is a sneeze from one of the dogs and I yell, and as seems to be true to form, I am neglecting a lot of things that I shouldn’t be.  Like my friends, my blog (which can stand to suffer), my family and mostly my housecleaning.  At this point, I just need to keep my head above water.

(Glad you asked?  Oh you didn’t ask?  Oh… whoopsie… sorry to have killed 30 precious moments of your life that you will never ever get back) lol

So I will try to write more, but I surely won’t be getting a blog out there every day.  I need to focus on some other things for a bit.  Like my new addiction of the Ellen Degeneres show.  She is HILAR!  And laughter IS the best medicine.

And a side note… If I didn’t see you while I was in Denver on my seventeen day YEAR LONG trip, then please accept my apologies.  I am hugely popular and have thousands upon thousands of friends there.  Oh ok… there’s just the two.  But anyhoo… If I didn’t see you while I was there, please don’t take it personal.  With my current sanity situation, or lack there of, TRUST ME, you didn’t want to see me.  I am not the awesome fun Cass that I usually am.  So… with that said… have a wonderful Monday.

Bob Grant me the Serenity…

Lord have mercy, we travel to Colorado today.
First a 2 plus hour drive in the car from Texarkan-kiss-my-assa to Little Rock.  With an impatient toddler and an impatient Mama.  Then wait to board a flight a couple hours later.  With an impatient toddler and an impatient Mama.  Then fly to Houston in a plane with no jungle gym or balls or TV’s.  With an impatient toddler and an impatient Mama.  Where we then have a 2 hour and 5 minute layover.  With an impatient toddler and an impatient Mama.  Then another flight to Denver. Again with no jungle gym or balls or TV’s with Yo Gabba Gabba screaming on them.  With an impatient toddler and an impatient Mama.  Then FINALLY we land in Denver International Airport.  But that is just the beginning because by now it is after Monkey’s bedtime and he already skipped naps, because he refuses to sleep anywhere but in his bed.  And Mama is on the verge of a mental breakdown.  Then we have to wait for our luggage, which DIA typically unloads around 42.5 hours AFTER arrival, and then make the drive to my mothers house, an hour away. ON.NEW.YEARS.EVE.  With THE.CRAZIES.  Oh yeah.  The DRUNK crazies.  Should be fun.  So it will only take us 11 of our 16 day vacation to actually travel THERE.

Can you tell I really look forward to traveling?  Can you tell I am still a total grouch puss and NOBODY, not even ME wants to be around me right now? Can you tell that the next time we speak, I MAY be in a padded cell?

So I pray…

Bob grant me the serenity to not kill any fellow travelers when they take up too much arm room on the plane, fail to look where they are going while walking through the airport, or fall asleep in the aisle seat when I have a poopy toddler sitting on my very full bladder.  And accept the things I cannot change, like… everyone else can suck my big toe cause I am having a shitty day and am STRESSSSSSSING out about traveling.

Maybe I should just call the fellows in the white coats to come pick me up now.

*sigh*

Pray for me too, k y’all?

Oh and I almost forgot… HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

A Pity Party and a Picture

Soooo, a friend of mine is finding out the sex of her baby today.  She is pregnant.  We were due the same time.  Then I of course lost the pregnancy and she is still pregnant.  I am so happy for her but so totally bummed that I am no longer pregnant.  I am trying to stay positive and hopeful for when we do get pregnant but I can’t help but feel the sting a little.

I have to finish packing.  Our Big Adventure begins tomorrow!  I am trying to pretend I don’t notice the fact that Monkey is trying to make me CRrrrRAaaaaAAZZZzzzYYYyyY with his insensate NON.STOP.WHINING!  PMS and non stop whining?  Recipe for disaster.

Or recipe for earth shattering M.I.G.R.A.I.N.E. that I had to not only endure in torturing pain last night but then I had to go and force Hubby to leave work early and come home so that I could let him endure it as well.

These are the times Tequila Shots are made of.

As promised, a pic…