Archive for July, 2009

31
Jul
09

Dear So and So…

Dear So and So...

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Dear Karen,

I know you are the “liaison” that I am supposed to speak to at Fertility Specialists of Dallas, however, you have a really shitty attitude and I have about had it up to here!  Please stop thinking the world revolves around you and learn a thing or two about CUSTOMER SERVICE.  Need I remind you I am giving your office my child’s college fund for the hopes of another pregnancy?  So, yeah, try to remember that next time I am being OVERLY nice to you even though you deserve obscenities and a smack.

Got it?

Cass

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Dear Hubby,

You rock.  Seriously!  You are so amazing and I am so lucky to have you.  I know I am going through some serious mood swings right now and I know it isn’t easy.  I can see that look that you sometimes get on your face where your mind is deciding whether to tell me to shut the hell up (which is what I deserve) or being the sweet agreeable husband that I need lately.  I so love that you are choosing the later.

Love,

Your devoted, cranky, irritable, but very loving wife

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Dear Baby Teeth,

Get on with it already!  My poor kid is now chewing on my poor couch!  Must you constantly grow?!?  I plead with you to just GET IN THERE already and give Monkey some peace.

Running out of Infant Midol,

Mama

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Dear Adult Acne,

It wasn’t enough that you drove me crazy over my teen years.  And then drove me bonkers as a young adult.  But to come back again in my thirties?  That is just true love right there.  Thanks so much for making me feel like a teenager again.  It is totally swell.

Seriously though?  Vacate the premises or Mama is going to get drastic.

Can’t really do anything about it except complain,

Me

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Dear Monkey,

I know you feel the need to be held by me 24/7 right now, and while I would LOVE to hold you always, there are just some things Mama can’t do with you in her arms.  Like vacuuming, driving, showering, making the bed, or trying to use the bathroom.  Although the latter, you really seem to think is a bonding moment.  It isn’t.  Just so you know.

Love you even though you are super needy and making me a tiny bit crazy right now,

Mama

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Dear Mosquito that bit me on the tip of my nose last weekend,

Thank you so much for your love bite.  However the huge swollen bump on my nose that most resembles a zit has made me feel like Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer all week.  Clearly I already have issues with my complexion (see above) so you aren’t helping matters much.  Not to mention my depth perception is all thrown off because I keep seeing a big red spot in my line of vision where my nose once used to reside.

Please mention to all your nasty mosquito friends that I will not take kindly to this kind of abuse any longer.  Why must you all feast on me like Thanksgiving dinner?  It may have been a little funny when you thought to bite me on my rear end so that I was forced to walk around scratching my butt all day.  And it might even have been a good giggle when you got me right on my boob so that I had to pretend to want to hug everyone, even strangers to get a little itch out of the deal.  But I assure you, this most recent event has been the final straw.  I will… probably do nothing… but you better be scared anyway.

Jerks,

Tasty Skinned Mosquito Magnet

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Dear Poopy Diapers,

You are becoming more *gag* alarmingly *gag* disgusting.  Please stop.

Kay thanks,

The Diaper Changer

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Dear Readers,

If you would like to participate in Dear So and So, click here to go to Kat’s Blog and get the button for your page.

Have a fantastic weekend!!!

Thanks for reading!!

xoxo

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30
Jul
09

Where the eff did these Carpet Dudes come from?!?!


Ok… Granted I live in Texarkana.  And usually that would be “nuff said”.  But oh no.  Not this time.  These guys show up and they do seem sort of nice.  They didn’t do anything flat out rude.  Other than making a TON of effing noise AFTER I put the baby to sleep for a nap but were as quiet as church mice prior to that.  But other than that, they were nice.  But some of the conversations were so funny, I literally had to hold my hand over my mouth to muffle the giggles.

First off, I made them open the doors and windows cause they were pouring this stuff on the ground to glue the pad down and it smelled SOOO bad.  So here is how that went:

Me:   what is that smell??

Carpet Dude:   oh that there is the glue fer yer pad

Me:   Well is it toxic? It smells really, really bad!  And I have a baby in here.

CD:   Uhh…

Me:   Does it say on the can that it is toxic?

CD:   (looking at the can) uhhh

Me:   Here, can I look?

CD:   (handing it over with relief) oh kay..

Me:   See, it says right here that it is Highly Flammable and should be used in a well ventilated area (pointing to the can)

CD:   Well… I been usin’ it fer years and I ain’t had no problems.

Me:   Open all the windows and doors.  Kay thanks.

Then I started to notice that the older guy must be the Boss Carpet Guy because he is bossing the younger carpet guy around while hovering over him and pointing.  So for the sake of argument, we will call the other guy Grunt Carpet Dude.

The funny part is that every time Boss Carpet Guy goes out front to SMOKE A CIGARETTE (omgIhadtoholdmyselfbackonthatone) the Grunt Carpet Dude mutters under his breath something about how nice it would be if he could take a break like the “old fucker” and smoke a cigarette even though they are making the same money.  Since I was hiding in my bedroom the entire time and they didn’t know I could hear their EVERY word on the baby monitor.  I didn’t say anything about it.  He was clearly trying to say it to himself and get out some pent up frustration.  Not to mention I thought it was heeeeelarious.  And then as soon as SMELLY Boss Carpet Guy struts back in (complete with nasty, stinky green cloud following him) the Grunt Carpet Dude is like his best friend again.  It was PRICELESS!

Then randomly I hear Boss Carpet Guy tell Grunt Carpet Dude… “No wonder California is goin’ broke! It’s cause of people like that there OCTO-Momma.”

To that I have nothing! Lol

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29
Jul
09

Coldplay… Wordless Wednesday

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Well?  What do ya think?  COMMENT PEOPLE!!  kay thanks 😀



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28
Jul
09

My Foggy Brain Random Tuesday Thoughts

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Make sure you check out Keely to get your RTT button.

We went on a super quick trip to Houston this weekend to visit family.  It was rushed but fun.  Wish I could do it more often.  It was nice to relax and drink beer and just talk.  I missed it.

I know I am SUPER behind on everyone’s blogs, be patient, I will catch up as soon as I can.  J

Yesterday I got my first injection of Follistim.  I made chuck stab the needle into my thigh because I freaked out and couldn’t do it.  But then I didn’t even feel it so I thought he chickened out.  I opened my eyes and there it was sticking out of my leg.  So that was a relief.  But I am nervous and so excited.  And wildly irritated at the side effects so far.  I feel loopy, tired, irritable, lacking motivation to get anything done around here and worst of all, I feel like my brain is only half working.  It’s an adjustment, but I am keeping my eye on the prize!  Even if I do want to smack every single member of my medical team.  GRRR!  Seriously, losing patience with that crap.

It’s been raining for days.  I am sooo loving the drop in temperature, but it’s starting to feel a little drab.  Ready for some sunshine already.

Tomorrow we get new carpet.  Yay!!  Our carpet looks like hell.  Because of the rain, it should be interesting trying to corral two nutty dogs and one toddler into the kitchen for as many hours as it takes them to replace the carpet.  Pray for me.  Lol

I had the “sea of babies” dream again last night.  I keep having the same dream where I am sitting on the floor of a huge room.  Spread out in front of me is a sea of pink and blue blanket swaddled babies.  They are all crying and I know they are all mine.  And I am crying because they are crying and I am (clearly) overwhelmed.  There must be millions of them.  Babies for as far as the eye can see.  If I had any artistic ability, I would paint a picture of the crazy scene.  I keep having the same dream. *shrug*

Bachelorette was HEEELARIOUS last night!!  Reid coming back and making Jillian all… “uhh uhhh uhhh” just made me laugh.  I don’t like her so I guess that made it easy for me to laugh at her issue.  I feel like your heart should know if you are sure.  But that is just me.  Who knows.  I loved how Chris Harrison handled her.  He was like “HELLLLLO Captain Obvious!!”.  It was great.

I need to take a nap or I am going to fall over.  So I might as well take the chance while Monkey naps.  I can’t believe how weird this medicine is making me feel.

Sorry about my terrible blog today, I seriously can’t put together a coherent sentence in my brain right now.  *sigh*

What is random about your Tuesday?

Please don’t forget to comment!!  Love love love Comments!! 😀

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23
Jul
09

Picture Perfect Thursday!

Yesterday, I wanted to do Wordless Wednesday but fouled that up because I wanted to post a funny blog instead.  Such is life.

So today ladies and gents is    *dun dun dunnnnnnn* going to be Wordless Thursday!

Yup… that’s how I roll. *snicker*

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As always comments are appreciated!!



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22
Jul
09

Helpful Tips and Hints from the Desk of a Toddler

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Hi there!

I know you expected my Mama’s usual *boring* blog, but instead today you get me!  I am James, otherwise known as Monkey.  I will be guest blogging today on Mommy’s website, because for a 17 month old, I have a lot to say.

Today I’m going to give you some helpful tips that you can use to help Mommy clean house.  You’d better get a pen and paper so that you can write this down.  You don’t want to miss anything. *grin*

Tip #1:  Vacuum Assistance

Mommy’s need extra help when vacuuming.  I used to hate the vacuum and I would scream and scream.  But then one day, because I like to keep Mama on her toes, I decided to switch it up on her.  From that moment on, I became obsessed “in like” with our vacuum.  I find that one of the best ways to express my love for the vacuum is to throw toys at it while Mommy is vacuuming.  Mommy loves it when I do this.  Books and toy cars work best.  And you MUST run away laughing and screaming like a goofball after each throw.

Another fun activity and handy way to help is to play “Vacuum Chicken“.  I think this is the most helpful to Mommy.  The rules to Vacuum Chicken are easy.  Just run full force at the vacuum, screaming as loudly as you can.  The first one to swerve out of the way is the Chicken.  Mommy always looses this game.  Be prepared if Mommy stays her course because then there will be a collision.  But this is great too because it gets some wonderful cuddle time with Mommy (especially useful in delaying Mommy’s chores).  Use your best fake cry while doing this to win extra points.

My favorite is to help Mommy vacuum the play room.  This is the best time to take all of your toys out of their proper storage place and throw them into a pile in the middle of the play room floor.  It is very fun to watch Mommy try and vacuum around all of my toys.  This is also the best time to try and dive bomb the vacuum.  Mommy won’t know it is coming, so you can easily catch her off guard and watch as she tries to scurry out of the way.

Tip #2:  Bed Making 101

Mommy loves my help when she is making my bed.  Because my bed is “safe” and stuff, the mattress fits very tightly.  So Mommy has to take the mattress out of my crib and put it on my floor to change my sheets.  This is when I like to sneak up behind Mommy and steal my bed sheet.  It is best if your Mommy doesn’t know you have done this, so be as quiet as a mouse.  Then I find that the best hiding spot is in the laundry room on top of the dirty clothes pile.  Mommy loves it when she has to search the house and hunt down my sheet.  And she REALLY likes it when she finds my fresh and clean bed sheet on top of the dirty clothes.  Especially because Daisy, our doggy has beat Mommy to the laundry room and has made a nice cozy bed out of my clean sheet.  This takes us to our next tip.

Tip #3:   Laundry Help

This is where Mommy’s really need the most help.  As soon as Mommy puts the laundry basket on the floor to fill it with dirty clothes, you need to grab the laundry basket and run as fast as you can in the other direction.  This will successfully help delay Mommy’s laundry duties.  Then she will chase you down and beg and plead for you to give it back to her.  Kicking and screaming is an excellent tool for getting your point across here.

Once Mommy has successfully mastered the art of washing a load, I like to assist her in putting the toys from the washer into the dryer.  Oh wait.. did I say toys?  I meant clothes.  But everyone knows that a plastic car is a good fabric softener so if you have one handy, you should throw it in while Mommy is not looking.  That way she won’t know that you have your plastic toy car in the dryer until she unloads the dryer later to find the melted car in with the clean clothes.

This takes us to dryer and folding assistance.  Mommy will again need you to steal the laundry basket at this time.  **Don’t forget to run away as quickly as possible.**  Make sure to run before she has filled it completely with clothes.  This way she has to carry the remaining clothes through the house in search of you and her basket.  This is an excellent way to get Mommy to drop clothes that you can later find and put into the bowl of dog water.  Mommy really loves this if you bring her the soaked sock or t-shirt while she is sitting on the couch folding the already dry clothes.  That is the most useful time to place said soaked item on top of the folding clean laundry pile.

The best way to assist Mommy in folding the clothes is to wait until she has folded all of the clothes in perfect little stacks.  Because then she will put all of the clothes in the laundry basket.  And if you are sneaky, this would be the exact time to swoop in and steal the laundry basket again.  As you know, the best course of action is running and then screaming when caught.  (Please see above.)

Tip #4:  Glass Table and Window Cleaning

In my house, Mommy and Daddy thought it would be extra fun to have all glass tables to keep me entertained.  So I love to help Mommy when she is cleaning them.  The key to successful Glass Table Cleaning Assistance is to make sure to wait until Mommy has washed all finger prints, smudges, slobber, and crusty questionables off of the tables.  That is when it best to stick your entire hand in your mouth, and then firmly place the wet hand on the table.  This next part is critical so make sure you write this down… Now it is time that you RUN, not walk, RUN around the table, making sure to keep the soaked and slimy hand securely on the table.  This is the best way to achieve proper application of slime.  This technique is also very useful for application of slobber to Mommy’s clean windows.

That’s all the time I have for today.  Mommy says something about a nap.  Next time I will give you a list of tips to assist Mommy with nap time as well.

Lots of Love,

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21
Jul
09

Pajama’s all the time? Random Tuesday Thoughts

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I am thinking of starting my own clothing line.  “Pajamas All the Time”  The world would be a much better place if it we all walked around wearing flannel jammy pants, floppy t-shirts and fuzzy slippers.  Think about it people.

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I once dated a boy named Steve for a few months and when I ended things his only reply was… “but… we both like burnt potato chips.” To this day I think of him whenever I eat a burnt potato chip.  And I think of the baffled look on his face and his reply.  All I can say is… I must have made some impact on him.  *humph*

Monkey had to learn the hard way that Mama doesn’t know how to cut hair.  Even when he says to me “Mama, please cut my hair shorter before we leave for our lake trip, because you know what is best and I just know you will do a fantastic job.” Ok, maybe those weren’t his exact words, but you get the idea.  Anyhoo… I decided to trim his hair… with the clippers.  Let’s just say… it didn’t go exactly as planned.  And now Chuck has forbid me to touch the boys head ever again.  Something about a Reverse Mohawk not being “in style” or whatever.  I dunno.  But, anyway, I FINALLY took him to get it fixed and now he looks like a rock star.  Thanks to our *ÜBER FAB* hairstylist Terra.

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Short and sweet today.

PLEASE LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS BELOW! 🙂 THANKS!!

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about moi…

Hi, my name is Cass. I am married to an amazing man who loves me unconditionally. I’m a stay at home mom to a rockin’ 2 year old boy who I call Monkey. I have an 12 year old step-daughter who lives in another state. We miss her daily. We also have two fur babies, Daisy and Jazz, who keep us on our toes. They are awesome!

I am a complete goofball, a photographer and a constant out loud thinker. I am a grammar challenged, vulgar, cursing, sex obsessed Big Mama fumbling through life. Among other things, I battle PCOS causing infertility, Bi Polar, Anxiety and OCD.

Currently I am riding the fertility roller coaster in an attempt to make Monkey #2. This blog is about a little of everything. I hope you enjoy. Read at your own risk!

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my photography page:

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tweeeet:

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my validation!

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