I know you are the “liaison” that I am supposed to speak to at Fertility Specialists of Dallas, however, you have a really shitty attitude and I have about had it up to here! Please stop thinking the world revolves around you and learn a thing or two about CUSTOMER SERVICE. Need I remind you I am giving your office my child’s college fund for the hopes of another pregnancy? So, yeah, try to remember that next time I am being OVERLY nice to you even though you deserve obscenities and a smack.
You rock. Seriously! You are so amazing and I am so lucky to have you. I know I am going through some serious mood swings right now and I know it isn’t easy. I can see that look that you sometimes get on your face where your mind is deciding whether to tell me to shut the hell up (which is what I deserve) or being the sweet agreeable husband that I need lately. I so love that you are choosing the later.
Your devoted, cranky, irritable, but very loving wife
Dear Baby Teeth,
Get on with it already! My poor kid is now chewing on my poor couch! Must you constantly grow?!? I plead with you to just GET IN THERE already and give Monkey some peace.
Running out of Infant Midol,
Dear Adult Acne,
It wasn’t enough that you drove me crazy over my teen years. And then drove me bonkers as a young adult. But to come back again in my thirties? That is just true love right there. Thanks so much for making me feel like a teenager again. It is totally swell.
Seriously though? Vacate the premises or Mama is going to get drastic.
Can’t really do anything about it except complain,
I know you feel the need to be held by me 24/7 right now, and while I would LOVE to hold you always, there are just some things Mama can’t do with you in her arms. Like vacuuming, driving, showering, making the bed, or trying to use the bathroom. Although the latter, you really seem to think is a bonding moment. It isn’t. Just so you know.
Love you even though you are super needy and making me a tiny bit crazy right now,
Dear Mosquito that bit me on the tip of my nose last weekend,
Thank you so much for your love bite. However the huge swollen bump on my nose that most resembles a zit has made me feel like Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer all week. Clearly I already have issues with my complexion (see above) so you aren’t helping matters much. Not to mention my depth perception is all thrown off because I keep seeing a big red spot in my line of vision where my nose once used to reside.
Please mention to all your nasty mosquito friends that I will not take kindly to this kind of abuse any longer. Why must you all feast on me like Thanksgiving dinner? It may have been a little funny when you thought to bite me on my rear end so that I was forced to walk around scratching my butt all day. And it might even have been a good giggle when you got me right on my boob so that I had to pretend to want to hug everyone, even strangers to get a little itch out of the deal. But I assure you, this most recent event has been the final straw. I will… probably do nothing… but you better be scared anyway.
Tasty Skinned Mosquito Magnet
Dear Poopy Diapers,
You are becoming more *gag* alarmingly *gag* disgusting. Please stop.
The Diaper Changer
Have a fantastic weekend!!!
Thanks for reading!!