Posts Tagged ‘denver

25
Jan
10

In other news…

Wow, it’s been a long time since I sat down to type a blog.  It’s been a long time since I sat down at the computer.  I just don’t seem to be feeling it lately.

Let’s see… what’s new with me…

Monkey is talking up a storm now.  So I don’t have to worry that he is going to fall behind and point and grunt baby babble for the rest of his life.  YAY!  Although, his new favorite word is NO, which sends me into a tail spin every time he screams it at me.  Some other new words include Hi and Bye, Up, Uh oh, Whoa, Cup, Cool which sounds like KOOOO, Elmo which sounds like MOMO, and my personal favorite… Shoe which he says like Shhheeeww.  And when we are in public he tells all strangers “MY MAMA!” and grabs my head and gives me a big kiss.  Apparently he doesn’t want any other random children to think they get to go home with me.

He sure makes getting out of bed each day so much more appealing.

We went to Denver for a visit.  I think I mentioned that last time.  It was madness.  The whole S.E.V.E.N.T.E.E.N days.  Yes, I went on vacation a trip ALONE… WITH A TODDLER for seventeen days almost a month!  Clearly this is reason enough to believe that I have completely lost my mind.

Seriously… it was fantastic to see everyone and I am so glad that I got to be home for a bit, but I will NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER do that shit again.  All I did was chase a toddler and scream “stop touching that!” every 2 seconds.  And as an added bonus I decided to give up ALL sleep (at Monkey’s request) and live on Starbucks and restaurant food for the whole trip.

But if that doesn’t have you completely convinced of my insanity, let me share a fun fact with you that I don’t think I have ever talked about on a blog before.  (Or maybe I did and just have no memory of it) Either way… guess what?  I am bi-polar.  Super for me right?  I know… you are SOOOO jealous right now.  Imagine how jealous your husband’s must be of my husband right now.  His life is just one continuous game of chance.  He never knows what card he will pick and when he will pick it.

So in the midst of my grand decision to travel to Denver with my almost two year old for seventeen days ALMOST SIX MONTHS and the fact that I have been unmedicated for the last few years… I pretty much started the decent into my breakdown.

Luckily, because this isn’t my first rodeo, I saw the signs and started to be proactive about my mental well being.  I am scheduled to see a psychiatrist Wednesday and am seeing my therapist more often than usual.  Today as a matter of fact.

And last week was the anniversary of my step dads passing, which is always a shitty time of year.  So I was going through that day thinking “I can make it, I can make it, I can make it”  And you would think that after 6 years, it would get easier, but take it from me… it doesn’t.

So I am more weepy, I am more moody, I have the attention span shorter than my pinky, my fuse is so short, all it takes is a sneeze from one of the dogs and I yell, and as seems to be true to form, I am neglecting a lot of things that I shouldn’t be.  Like my friends, my blog (which can stand to suffer), my family and mostly my housecleaning.  At this point, I just need to keep my head above water.

(Glad you asked?  Oh you didn’t ask?  Oh… whoopsie… sorry to have killed 30 precious moments of your life that you will never ever get back) lol

So I will try to write more, but I surely won’t be getting a blog out there every day.  I need to focus on some other things for a bit.  Like my new addiction of the Ellen Degeneres show.  She is HILAR!  And laughter IS the best medicine.

And a side note… If I didn’t see you while I was in Denver on my seventeen day YEAR LONG trip, then please accept my apologies.  I am hugely popular and have thousands upon thousands of friends there.  Oh ok… there’s just the two.  But anyhoo… If I didn’t see you while I was there, please don’t take it personal.  With my current sanity situation, or lack there of, TRUST ME, you didn’t want to see me.  I am not the awesome fun Cass that I usually am.  So… with that said… have a wonderful Monday.

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25
Nov
09

What if…


…my stepdad hadn’t gotten sick?

Would my Mom be happy now?  What would my sons name be?  Would I have gone to that Christmas party in his place and met my husband?

…all of my past pregnancies had worked out?

I would have 6 kids with a 7th on the way.  But would any of them be my perfect Monkey?

…we had stayed in Denver and decided not to move to Texarkana?

Would we still be living in a tiny apartment and sending Monkey to daycare each day?

…my ex hadn’t been such a douche?

Would I have still left him and found the love of my life?

…the guys at the plant hadn’t seen a sap while I was pregnant?

Would I still have taken Daisy home with us even after Hubby protested?

Watching this Flash Forward lately has me thinking.   Some people really believe that our life is a pre destined set of events.  I don’t know that I believe that.  Sometimes maybe I do a little but for the most part I really don’t.

I have always said that everything happens for a reason.  I really believe that.  Not because of some pre-mapped life but because I think that everything makes something else occur.  If any of the what if’s above had happened, then my life wouldn’t be where it is right now.  It would be changed and different.

Would I have missed the opportunity to meet my husband if my step dad hadn’t been too sick to go to the Christmas party because of Chemo?

If I hadn’t had miscarriage after miscarriage, would I even be with my husband now if I had 3 kids with my ex?

Would I be able to afford to stay home with Monkey each day if we hadn’t taken the opportunity to move here?

It all boils down to 3 very simple statements.

I have a wonderful sexy husband that would do anything for us.

Our son is truly one kick ass baby boy.

Our two fur babies will always have my heart.

This is my family.  Even if it is in this town that I hate, this is my family.  And if any of those what if’s had come to fruition, would I be in these shoes now?  It’s scary to think that I wouldn’t be.

What events could have kept you from where you are now?  What are you truly thankful for?


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about moi…

Hi, my name is Cass. I am married to an amazing man who loves me unconditionally. I’m a stay at home mom to a rockin’ 2 year old boy who I call Monkey. I have an 12 year old step-daughter who lives in another state. We miss her daily. We also have two fur babies, Daisy and Jazz, who keep us on our toes. They are awesome!

I am a complete goofball, a photographer and a constant out loud thinker. I am a grammar challenged, vulgar, cursing, sex obsessed Big Mama fumbling through life. Among other things, I battle PCOS causing infertility, Bi Polar, Anxiety and OCD.

Currently I am riding the fertility roller coaster in an attempt to make Monkey #2. This blog is about a little of everything. I hope you enjoy. Read at your own risk!

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my photography page:

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