Archive for September, 2009

29
Sep
09

Chia Bush and Random Tuesday Thoughts

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If you want to play along with Random Tuesday Thoughts, go here to get the widget and add your name to Mr. Linky.

Well it’s Tuesday and so I am going for the Random today.

Thank you all for the amazing emails and messages and the loss of our pregnancy.  You are all amazing for being so thoughtful.

I got the most amazing email from a dear friend of mine, Steph, in Colorado yesterday.    It made me laugh and cry and love her that much more.  It read:

muah muah  peck peck muah muah muah smoochy smootchy muah  ‘let me take a breath’   muah muah  peck peck muah muah muah smoochy smootchy muahmuah muah  peck peck muah muah muah smoochy smootchy muahmuah muah  peck peck muah muah muah smoochy smootchy muahmuah muah  peck peck muah muah muah smoochy smootchy muah

LET ME TAKE ANOTHER BREATH.   i HAVE A FRUTOPIA CAP….WILL YOU MARRY ME?

That was the nicest thing anyone has said to me in such a long time.  She is such a great friend.  I have so many great friends.  I am so lucky to have them all in my life.  Some of them read this blog.  Hello friends.

I hate that my friends are all so far away, but have comfort in the fact that I know without doubt, that they would all be by my side in an instant if they could.

I love them all for that.

I love you all for that.

I miss them so desperately right now and wish I could be with them.  I need you right now friends. *sigh*

I am going to be going to dinner tonight with one of those friends.  I plan to drink margaritas and eat fattening foods and have not a worry in the world.  That is my plan.  Sounds good, right?

I was marveling yesterday at how HUGE my son’s feet are.  He definitely has his father’s feet.  He is only 31 inches tall and is already on his way to growing out of his size 6 shoes.  He looks like an L.  It makes me all mushy to think about how when he was born I looked at those little feet and thought, “how perfect!” well technically that was after I thought “Yay! he has 10 toes!” 🙂

They grow so fast.  *sigh*

Speaking of growing, have you seen the Obama Chia Pet??  SERIOUSLY, people???  Oh…. My… Gawwwd!  Where do I sign up for my Chia Bush?  (heh heh)  or my Chia Clinton?  How many presidents have a Chia head??  Seriously, this is so beyond disturbing to me.

It is ALMOST as bad as my poor son’s hair.  That is another thing that grows at an alarming rate.  He is going on full fro status, if I don’t do something soon.

Time to take him to the beauty parlor so he can scream like a banshee.  Seriously, people were walking by to make sure she wasn’t cutting off an ear or finger.  Our patient Beautician, Terra, just kept on with it, trying to get it done as quickly as possible and trying to calm his little nerves with no avail.  He on the other hand clung to me like I was trying to hand him over to a three headed monster.  Poor Terra.

I better suck it up and get him in there soon, or I am going to need to buy him some pony tails and bows.  Poor kid.  Lol

I am totally addicted to listening to Ben Folds lately.  Over and over and over and over.  I am so lame.  I want to feel that way in that song.  *sigh*

I am about as grouchy and bitchy as they come right now.  I am still sort of pissed at the world.  Even though the world didn’t do anything specifically.  I hope I am over my funk soon.

Sorry I haven’t been reading blogs.  I haven’t had the interest in posting a Daily Photo Blog either.  I’m sure you’re heartbroken.  I will get back to them soon.  Thank you for your patience.


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28
Sep
09

The Dreaded Post…

The ultrasound Friday with Dr G didn’t go well.  Not only did he not find a heartbeat but the pregnancy stopped growing.  It not only stopped growing, but actually started shrinking.  Which Dr G says is normal when the pregnancy fails.

Last Monday, the crown to rump measurement was 1.8 cm, and Friday it was only 2 mm!

Dr G has referred me to a new doctor, so that I don’t have to see Dr M anymore.  However when I called the new doctor, he is out of town until next week.  So I have to go to Dallas to have the D&C done on  Friday.  Dallas is a 3 hour drive.  ONE WAY.  Should be a fun day.  I am going to request a sleeping pill so that I can sleep in the car on the way back.

We are going to try again, and life is going to go on.  This isn’t the first time.  Not even close.  But right now, I just need a bit of time to process.  To grieve.  To be angry.  To mourn. To curse the world and all of the pregnant “oops I am pregnant” women out there who have no idea how freaking lucky they are.  Bitter much?

25
Sep
09

Field of Dreams Daily Photo Blog

Today is the final day, Day five of Blast From the Past Daily Photos!!

This photo was taken of the soy bean field that was next to our house when we lived in Wisconsin.  It was on the entrance road.  I loved this shot for many reasons.  🙂

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Sorry I missed a day yesterday. But let me know what you think of today’s. Thank you!

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This blog was originally posted on MySpace Aug 18 2006 12:00 AM
25
Sep
09

Puggy Petrified Dear So and So Friday

Dear So and So...

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Dear Jasmine, Queen of this crib,

I love you.  I do.  You are by far the VERY coolest Pug I have EVER met.  However, Mommy has a bone to pick with you.  And not the kind you like.

Why must you stand in the kitchen and bark for my attention when I am on the other side of the house?? All so that I can come running, thinking there is something wrong with you, like you are stuck in a bear trap (what? It could happen)?  And then to be suckered into the very basic need of you wanting a treat.  A treat that you did nothing to deserve.  Except perhaps making Mommy stub her toe while coming to your “aide”.  *humph*

Not cool chicka, not cool.

Mama

PS.  Thanks so much for rushing to my side immediately after I wrote this letter to you, and promptly puking the bone/treat on the carpet next to my feet.  That was LUUUVVLY.  *gag*

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Dear Cass,

How weird are you that in order to clean up the dog vomit you start chanting to yourself “it’s poop, it’s poop, pretend its poop, it’s poop,  it’s only poop!” in order to keep from heaving?  Even *I* think that is weird.  And I am you.  Sooo…    whoa.

Me

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Dear Window 7,

Wow!  I said it could never be done, but Microsoft has apparently finally put something out on the market that actually works.  And you my friend are it.  I am in love with how smoothly you actually work.  And going on 4 months without an issue, I am in shock.  Wow.

Maybe the Microsoft Nazi’s are done trying to take over the world.

Not likely but hoping,

Cass

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Dear Hubby,

Date last night was rockin!  You were smoking in your sexy get up.  And clearly, so was I.  Since you have already thanked me (heh heh), I suppose I won’t bitch and complain from now until Sunday night while you are off gallivanting with your fishing buddies off in the river.

Have a good time, because next weekend Mama gets a day off! Kapeesh?

Love you,

Wife

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Dear Monkey,

Mama can’t believe you are in a big boy bed!  I am so proud of you!  Do you think that, perhaps, you could wake me up in the morning when you get up?  Then you won’t have to take every single diaper out of the diaper changing table and throw them across the room.  And you won’t have to take all of your clothes out of your dresser drawers and THROW them all over you room.  Mommy put those toys in there for you to play with.  Not for you to THROW across the room.  (I amsensing a theme here?)

Thank you regardless for letting me sleep an additional 39 minutes this morning.  It was completely worth walking into the diaper, clothes, toy tornado that was your room.  TOTALLY worth it.

Love you baby,

Mommy

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Dear Dr G,

Give me some good news today about the pregnancy, k?  I am really really really really really really scared.  Really.

Please?  Please.  Pretty Please.  K?

Petrified,

Cass

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Dear Readers,
Thank you for putting up with me for another week. I do hope that you chose to participate in Dear So and So. Just click here to go to Kat’s Blog and get the button for your page. Or add your letter in the comments. Would love to read!
Have a fantastic weekend!!!
Thanks for stopping by, again 🙂
Xoxo

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24
Sep
09

Care for some sticky sex? TMI Thursday

TMI Thursday
***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

Welcome to another TMI Thursday!  If you are related to me and/or don’t want to read a fairly detailed story involving me and naughty things, don’t read.  You have been warned.

Four score and seven years ago… err… wait.  That’s another story.  LOL

Let’s just say MANY years ago… but not *that* many cause I am only 21, ahem, I was spending a relaxing, romantic weekend with my ex.  We had a beautiful cabin in Estes Park, overlooking a beautiful stream, surrounded by the beautiful mountains.  The room we rented had this huge Jacuzzi tub inside and all the luxury of a honeymoon suite.  Very romantic right?

Our first day there, we were enjoying the room and sitting on the couch talking.  One thing led to another and I was the recipient of some oral goodness on the couch.  Then of course oral fun leads to intercourse fun and viola, you have all the makings of a sexy romantic moment, right?

Until… you start to notice you are feeling… how shall I say?  Sticky?

Let me attempt to set the scene.  I am lying on my back.  He is on his knees, bent over at the waist, head laying on my shoulder after he has… had his ‘hoorah’ so to speak.

I have noticed that I am feeling the weird sticky feeling that I mentioned earlier.  Sticky.  Not quite a good feeling.  And then it hits me. “Where is your gum?!?!?!” after I notice that he is no longer chewing it.

Oh.

My.

Gawwwd.

Guess who forgot to take the gum out of his mouth and then forgot it was there AND THEN consequently got it stuck all over my girlie parts?!?!?!  Ahh yup!

So we are both COVERED in florescent blue chewing GUM!!! It is strung all over us and all over the couch. Neither of us were going for the Brazilian look at the time, so you can imagine when I say it was stuck… It was STUCK! Don’t judge, it was a LONG time ago and to be honest, I don’t even know if that look was invented yet! LOL

So we both are laughing hysterically, be in more of an angry “oh my effing lord, how could you forget you had gum in your mouth??” and him more of a “oh shit, she is going to kill me now” sort of laugh.

So there we are both sitting in the huge hot tub, not to enjoy a lovely bubble bath together, but to try and get the GUM OFF!  *eyeroll*

How is that for romance???

Make sure you head over to LiLu’s place to read other fantastic TMI stories!!

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24
Sep
09

Boy Deep in Thought Daily Photo Blog

Day four of Blast From the Past Daily Photos!!!

This was a photo that I took at devils lake one day.  This boy was sitting in the water like that for hours, just searching for neat underwater treasures.  It was calming to watch him.  Again it was before I knew about any editing, so it is just the camera settings that were changed.

If I had taken it today, there are some things that I would do different in the editing, but I kind of like the washed out look of it.  It reminds me of that day and how the clouds came and went.

Apparently at the time, I wasn’t sure if I liked it.  However, it is a shot that has always stuck with me.  Looking at it now, I love it.  Hope you do too.

Enjoy!

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On the suggestion of Opalescence I tried to mess with the settings on my camera. I am not very good with the saturation levels and I don’t really know if I like how this turned out. But let me know what you think.

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This blog was originally posted on MySpace Aug 6 2006 1:05 AM.
23
Sep
09

Doctors Schmoctors!!

I have all these blogs that have been bouncing around in my head.  Things I want to get on paper.  And yet when I sit down to write them my brain goes blank.  Is that weird?  Well I can tell you it is most annoying .  Grr.

I am working on a good TMI post for tomorrow 🙂  Should have you all giggling pretty well.  So look forward to that and bear with me while I do a little griping.

Today I am sort of having this little pity party for myself.  I am feeling all emotional and wondering if things are going to work out with this pregnancy.  I am scared, but trying to remain hopeful.

Part of what is frustrating me so bad is that I feel like the doctor, Dr M, I have here in Texarkana is pretty much a moron.  I just don’t get good vibes from him.  I had to start seeing him because my infertility specialist, Dr G, who is based in Dallas, works with Dr M here in Texarkana.

Usually, or at least in my past, I have had an ultrasound tech do all of the ultrasounds on me.  Someone who is very familiar with Ultrasound machines and who is trained exclusively in reading and deciphering them.  Dr M does his own ultrasounds.  In my head I am guessing this is an attempt to save money.  Makes sense.  Well it would make better sense if I felt that Dr M actually had extensive training in administering the ultrasound.

The problem is that I don’t think he has a clue.  I will be laying there and he is all up in my bidness with that HUGE probe scanning my innards, and he always has this look on his face like… “uhhh… ummm… uhhhh, whats that? Uhhhh” It is *not* very reassuring.

The first time he actually was able to find the gestational sac. (last Tuesday the 15th) it only happened after about 15 minutes of him searching and saying there was no sac.  It was when I tried to move to reposition myself because he was STABING ME IN KIDNEY being too aggressive that he said, “Oh wait! I think I see something” and then had the nurse prop my hiney on a few towels for a better look.  Apparently my position helped.

“WTF?!?!”

He was about to let me leave thinking that I had no gestational sac and that I didn’t have a viable pregnancy, because he couldn’t FIND the sac!?  Looks pretty darn clear to me on the screen!

Isn’t there a procedure in place for ultrasound techs to scan the entire uterus?  It isn’t that big people!  It’s like the size of your fist!  So, SERIOUSLY!  How does he miss it?

So then this last week he is scanning around up in there trying to find something, with that typical dumbfounded look on his face and I have to remind him “Don’t you want me sit on those towels so you can get a better look?”

Dr M: “Oh! Yeah let’s try that.” Like he came up with the idea all by himself.

Then as you know he wasn’t able to find a heartbeat and he said he “thinks” I am measuring at 5 weeks and 5 days.  This just leaves me thinking… Does this guy really have any effin clue??

He doesn’t deliver babies anymore.  And I am starting to understand why.  Hubby says he was probably drunk all through medical school and cheated his way through it.  I am starting to think he might be right.

So with all of this frustration I have, I called Dr G, the specialist in Dallas.  This guy I trust.  He knows his shit and he doesn’t beat around the bush.  (Pun not intended… or was it? *evil grin*)

Anyhoo, Dr G says that he hasn’t known Dr M for very long and that he was approached my Dr M to do a remote partnership so that the patients in Texarkana would have access to a Fertility Specialist.  Otherwise, they do not.

After I tell him about all of the red flags I am seeing, he says he wants to see me in person and that he will be willing to work with any other doctor I choose in Texarkana, so that I don’t have to see Dr M anymore.  Yay!!

I have an appointment to see Dr G on Friday at 3PM.  He makes the 3 plus hour drive to Texarkana once a month to see the patients he has here.  I am very anxious to see him.  I am sure he will be doing another ultrasound to let me know what his opinion is.  Since this guy does this EVERY DAY and this is his life, I am feeling much more confident that he can tell me what the actual diagnosis is.

Dr M never gives me any details or information on anything.  We always have to dig it out of him and still don’t feel we get nearly enough.  Things are NOT that way with Dr G.

I am totally stoked!  Friday cannot come soon enough!  FINALLY we should have some answers.  I NEED TO KNOW!!!

Thanks for listening to my rant. 🙂

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about moi…

Hi, my name is Cass. I am married to an amazing man who loves me unconditionally. I’m a stay at home mom to a rockin’ 2 year old boy who I call Monkey. I have an 12 year old step-daughter who lives in another state. We miss her daily. We also have two fur babies, Daisy and Jazz, who keep us on our toes. They are awesome!

I am a complete goofball, a photographer and a constant out loud thinker. I am a grammar challenged, vulgar, cursing, sex obsessed Big Mama fumbling through life. Among other things, I battle PCOS causing infertility, Bi Polar, Anxiety and OCD.

Currently I am riding the fertility roller coaster in an attempt to make Monkey #2. This blog is about a little of everything. I hope you enjoy. Read at your own risk!

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my photography page:

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tweeeet:

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my validation!

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