Wow, it’s been a long time since I sat down to type a blog. It’s been a long time since I sat down at the computer. I just don’t seem to be feeling it lately.
Let’s see… what’s new with me…
Monkey is talking up a storm now. So I don’t have to worry that he is going to fall behind and point and grunt baby babble for the rest of his life. YAY! Although, his new favorite word is NO, which sends me into a tail spin every time he screams it at me. Some other new words include Hi and Bye, Up, Uh oh, Whoa, Cup, Cool which sounds like KOOOO, Elmo which sounds like MOMO, and my personal favorite… Shoe which he says like Shhheeeww. And when we are in public he tells all strangers “MY MAMA!” and grabs my head and gives me a big kiss. Apparently he doesn’t want any other random children to think they get to go home with me.
He sure makes getting out of bed each day so much more appealing.
We went to Denver for a visit. I think I mentioned that last time. It was madness. The whole S.E.V.E.N.T.E.E.N days. Yes, I went on vacation a trip ALONE… WITH A TODDLER for seventeen days almost a month! Clearly this is reason enough to believe that I have completely lost my mind.
Seriously… it was fantastic to see everyone and I am so glad that I got to be home for a bit, but I will NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER do that shit again. All I did was chase a toddler and scream “stop touching that!” every 2 seconds. And as an added bonus I decided to give up ALL sleep (at Monkey’s request) and live on Starbucks and restaurant food for the whole trip.
But if that doesn’t have you completely convinced of my insanity, let me share a fun fact with you that I don’t think I have ever talked about on a blog before. (Or maybe I did and just have no memory of it) Either way… guess what? I am bi-polar. Super for me right? I know… you are SOOOO jealous right now. Imagine how jealous your husband’s must be of my husband right now. His life is just one continuous game of chance. He never knows what card he will pick and when he will pick it.
So in the midst of my grand decision to travel to Denver with my almost two year old for seventeen days ALMOST SIX MONTHS and the fact that I have been unmedicated for the last few years… I pretty much started the decent into my breakdown.
Luckily, because this isn’t my first rodeo, I saw the signs and started to be proactive about my mental well being. I am scheduled to see a psychiatrist Wednesday and am seeing my therapist more often than usual. Today as a matter of fact.
And last week was the anniversary of my step dads passing, which is always a shitty time of year. So I was going through that day thinking “I can make it, I can make it, I can make it” And you would think that after 6 years, it would get easier, but take it from me… it doesn’t.
So I am more weepy, I am more moody, I have the attention span shorter than my pinky, my fuse is so short, all it takes is a sneeze from one of the dogs and I yell, and as seems to be true to form, I am neglecting a lot of things that I shouldn’t be. Like my friends, my blog (which can stand to suffer), my family and mostly my housecleaning. At this point, I just need to keep my head above water.
(Glad you asked? Oh you didn’t ask? Oh… whoopsie… sorry to have killed 30 precious moments of your life that you will never ever get back) lol
So I will try to write more, but I surely won’t be getting a blog out there every day. I need to focus on some other things for a bit. Like my new addiction of the Ellen Degeneres show. She is HILAR! And laughter IS the best medicine.
And a side note… If I didn’t see you while I was in Denver on my seventeen day YEAR LONG trip, then please accept my apologies. I am hugely popular and have thousands upon thousands of friends there. Oh ok… there’s just the two. But anyhoo… If I didn’t see you while I was there, please don’t take it personal. With my current sanity situation, or lack there of, TRUST ME, you didn’t want to see me. I am not the awesome fun Cass that I usually am. So… with that said… have a wonderful Monday.