03
Feb
10

Things I have learned from my Toddler #5

It is that time again for Things I have Learned from my Toddler!  If you want to see the previous four installments, click here.

I have learned that the toddler wants what the toddler wants.  If you have had or have a toddler, you know what this means.  If not… well then I can’t really explain it to you.  Go borrow someone’s toddler for 2 minutes and you will get it.

I have learned that if you are looking for your cell phone, the chances are good that Monkey hid it.  Not for any reason that you can figure out.  But there is a chance he will retrieve it when asked.  From places like his toy box, behind the TV and under his bed.  But there is also a chance that he won’t.  And that you will find it underneath your pillow, in the kitchen cabinet or in the hamper.  Regardless, be on alert at all times.

I have learned that if you make a #2 in the “big girl potty”, and your toddler happens to walk into the bathroom during or after the “occurrence”, you will not feel less embarrassed when he says “Ewwww!” even though it is only you and he in the room.

I have learned that my toddler is VERY territorial about food.  To “mark” his territory, he will take a bite out of everything that he wants and then set it down to ensure nobody else wants takes the item..  This includes all veggies that he thinks YOU will eat.  Or crackers, or MOMMY’S cookies.

I have learned that I cannot force my toddler to like ice cream just so I have an excuse to buy it even if I really think he should so I don’t eat it all cause it tastes so yummy.  And that in the world of what is yummy, he would prefer a juice box over ice cream any day.  Go figure.  (I know, what a weirdo, right?)

I have learned that when you are giving your toddler a bath and you hear this series of noises…

“Blurp Blurrrp”

“Hee hee heeee!”

“Blurrp Blurrrrp”

“Hee He He He Heeee!”

“Blurrrrrp”

“Uh oh”

“….”

“Ewwwwwwww!”

…It will be soon be followed with you having to bleach the tub and all the tub toys and washing your toddler in the bathroom sink all over again from head to toe.  Oh yeah, good times.

I have learned that letting your toddler stand behind you on your office chair while you play computer games work isn’t a good plan even though he screams bloody frickin murder if you don’t let him really wants to.  Because the truth is, lets face it, he inherited your balance and when he freakishly falls for no apparent reason face fist into the dresser drawer that is only open less than a half inch and puts a HOLE IN HIS FACE…. *deep breath* … you are going to feel like the worse mother ON THE PLANET.

Oh and then you will have to rush him to the ER and they will hold him down like a crazy murderer while they “FLUSH” his forehead with a fire hose! (ok maybe it was just saline) but I bet it FELT like a fire hose! And then they will use SUPER GLUE (medical grade super glue) to G.L.U.E. his forehead back together!!!

And then his perfect little face will forever bear the big ole sign telling the whole world “YOU ARE THE WORST MORTHER IN THE UNIVERSE!!!”

Or maybe he is just a boy and you need to get over yourself and suck it up cause I got a feeling there are more stitches and glue in our future with this one.

*sigh*

I have learned that 2 years goes by in a FLASH and that before you know it you turn around and you only have FOUR days until your precious Monkey has his second birthday! *gasp*

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22 Responses to “Things I have learned from my Toddler #5”


  1. February 3, 2010 at 11:14 am

    Hey you can’t fault the little guy. I’d choose juice over ice cream too most of the time. I was that freaky child also. 🙂 It’s the sign of genius I heard. I heard it in my head but hey.

  2. February 3, 2010 at 12:05 pm

    I have to admit, I love toddlers. But I don’t have to live with one!

  3. February 3, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    OMG he gets cuter by the minute! Try not to beat yourself up too bad…We all have those moments of feeling like the worst on the planet. My girls have the war wounds to prove it and I have a very vivid recollection of every.single.time I’ve failed.

  4. February 3, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    HaHa!! What a toddler wants, a toddler wants – I know that one for sure. Why is it always the items that I want the most? Like you said, my cell phone, or the remote, food that I’m eating, car keys, my book…the list is endless. And when we take it away from them or tell them no – they officially declare war, and they don’t surrender until they get what they wanted back!!!

  5. February 3, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    Yes, and sometimes toddlers want Pumpkin Pie for God knows why and have a day long intermittant temper tantrum when you don’t have any and aren’t going to make one. :o) I would feel bad about him falling too, but that’s why we’re the mommies!

  6. February 3, 2010 at 8:15 pm

    Dude, your toddler is adorable. You need to stop putting pictures of him on your blog because he makes me want to have babies. He gives me baby rabies. Its dangerous.

  7. February 3, 2010 at 10:13 pm

    still puzzled by the choice of juice box over ice cream??????

  8. February 5, 2010 at 3:48 pm

    I’m so glad he’s okay. Your comment on FB scared the hell outta me!!! Boys will be boys, I spose…

  9. February 5, 2010 at 9:04 pm

    I just found your post and THANKYOU for the refreshing honesty! I haven’t been able to get into any local mother’s groups as they are all “full”, so i will be tuning in to hear some down-to-earth adventures from a funky mum and her gorgeous little monkey. Ta 🙂 P.S it is NOT your fault from the sounds of things and toddlers do seem to bounce back from these things!

  10. February 8, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    I hear ya! My two year old hides everything in her Hello Kitty purse or under the bed or in the garbage….

  11. February 10, 2010 at 4:30 pm

    Lol. I love my 2 year old. This is the funniest stage of all time isn’t it?


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about moi…

Hi, my name is Cass. I am married to an amazing man who loves me unconditionally. I’m a stay at home mom to a rockin’ 2 year old boy who I call Monkey. I have an 12 year old step-daughter who lives in another state. We miss her daily. We also have two fur babies, Daisy and Jazz, who keep us on our toes. They are awesome!

I am a complete goofball, a photographer and a constant out loud thinker. I am a grammar challenged, vulgar, cursing, sex obsessed Big Mama fumbling through life. Among other things, I battle PCOS causing infertility, Bi Polar, Anxiety and OCD.

Currently I am riding the fertility roller coaster in an attempt to make Monkey #2. This blog is about a little of everything. I hope you enjoy. Read at your own risk!

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