Posts Tagged ‘ultrasound


The Dreaded Post…

The ultrasound Friday with Dr G didn’t go well.  Not only did he not find a heartbeat but the pregnancy stopped growing.  It not only stopped growing, but actually started shrinking.  Which Dr G says is normal when the pregnancy fails.

Last Monday, the crown to rump measurement was 1.8 cm, and Friday it was only 2 mm!

Dr G has referred me to a new doctor, so that I don’t have to see Dr M anymore.  However when I called the new doctor, he is out of town until next week.  So I have to go to Dallas to have the D&C done on  Friday.  Dallas is a 3 hour drive.  ONE WAY.  Should be a fun day.  I am going to request a sleeping pill so that I can sleep in the car on the way back.

We are going to try again, and life is going to go on.  This isn’t the first time.  Not even close.  But right now, I just need a bit of time to process.  To grieve.  To be angry.  To mourn. To curse the world and all of the pregnant “oops I am pregnant” women out there who have no idea how freaking lucky they are.  Bitter much?


Puggy Petrified Dear So and So Friday

Dear So and So...


Dear Jasmine, Queen of this crib,

I love you.  I do.  You are by far the VERY coolest Pug I have EVER met.  However, Mommy has a bone to pick with you.  And not the kind you like.

Why must you stand in the kitchen and bark for my attention when I am on the other side of the house?? All so that I can come running, thinking there is something wrong with you, like you are stuck in a bear trap (what? It could happen)?  And then to be suckered into the very basic need of you wanting a treat.  A treat that you did nothing to deserve.  Except perhaps making Mommy stub her toe while coming to your “aide”.  *humph*

Not cool chicka, not cool.


PS.  Thanks so much for rushing to my side immediately after I wrote this letter to you, and promptly puking the bone/treat on the carpet next to my feet.  That was LUUUVVLY.  *gag*


Dear Cass,

How weird are you that in order to clean up the dog vomit you start chanting to yourself “it’s poop, it’s poop, pretend its poop, it’s poop,  it’s only poop!” in order to keep from heaving?  Even *I* think that is weird.  And I am you.  Sooo…    whoa.



Dear Window 7,

Wow!  I said it could never be done, but Microsoft has apparently finally put something out on the market that actually works.  And you my friend are it.  I am in love with how smoothly you actually work.  And going on 4 months without an issue, I am in shock.  Wow.

Maybe the Microsoft Nazi’s are done trying to take over the world.

Not likely but hoping,



Dear Hubby,

Date last night was rockin!  You were smoking in your sexy get up.  And clearly, so was I.  Since you have already thanked me (heh heh), I suppose I won’t bitch and complain from now until Sunday night while you are off gallivanting with your fishing buddies off in the river.

Have a good time, because next weekend Mama gets a day off! Kapeesh?

Love you,



Dear Monkey,

Mama can’t believe you are in a big boy bed!  I am so proud of you!  Do you think that, perhaps, you could wake me up in the morning when you get up?  Then you won’t have to take every single diaper out of the diaper changing table and throw them across the room.  And you won’t have to take all of your clothes out of your dresser drawers and THROW them all over you room.  Mommy put those toys in there for you to play with.  Not for you to THROW across the room.  (I amsensing a theme here?)

Thank you regardless for letting me sleep an additional 39 minutes this morning.  It was completely worth walking into the diaper, clothes, toy tornado that was your room.  TOTALLY worth it.

Love you baby,



Dear Dr G,

Give me some good news today about the pregnancy, k?  I am really really really really really really scared.  Really.

Please?  Please.  Pretty Please.  K?




Dear Readers,
Thank you for putting up with me for another week. I do hope that you chose to participate in Dear So and So. Just click here to go to Kat’s Blog and get the button for your page. Or add your letter in the comments. Would love to read!
Have a fantastic weekend!!!
Thanks for stopping by, again 🙂



Doctors Schmoctors!!

I have all these blogs that have been bouncing around in my head.  Things I want to get on paper.  And yet when I sit down to write them my brain goes blank.  Is that weird?  Well I can tell you it is most annoying .  Grr.

I am working on a good TMI post for tomorrow 🙂  Should have you all giggling pretty well.  So look forward to that and bear with me while I do a little griping.

Today I am sort of having this little pity party for myself.  I am feeling all emotional and wondering if things are going to work out with this pregnancy.  I am scared, but trying to remain hopeful.

Part of what is frustrating me so bad is that I feel like the doctor, Dr M, I have here in Texarkana is pretty much a moron.  I just don’t get good vibes from him.  I had to start seeing him because my infertility specialist, Dr G, who is based in Dallas, works with Dr M here in Texarkana.

Usually, or at least in my past, I have had an ultrasound tech do all of the ultrasounds on me.  Someone who is very familiar with Ultrasound machines and who is trained exclusively in reading and deciphering them.  Dr M does his own ultrasounds.  In my head I am guessing this is an attempt to save money.  Makes sense.  Well it would make better sense if I felt that Dr M actually had extensive training in administering the ultrasound.

The problem is that I don’t think he has a clue.  I will be laying there and he is all up in my bidness with that HUGE probe scanning my innards, and he always has this look on his face like… “uhhh… ummm… uhhhh, whats that? Uhhhh” It is *not* very reassuring.

The first time he actually was able to find the gestational sac. (last Tuesday the 15th) it only happened after about 15 minutes of him searching and saying there was no sac.  It was when I tried to move to reposition myself because he was STABING ME IN KIDNEY being too aggressive that he said, “Oh wait! I think I see something” and then had the nurse prop my hiney on a few towels for a better look.  Apparently my position helped.


He was about to let me leave thinking that I had no gestational sac and that I didn’t have a viable pregnancy, because he couldn’t FIND the sac!?  Looks pretty darn clear to me on the screen!

Isn’t there a procedure in place for ultrasound techs to scan the entire uterus?  It isn’t that big people!  It’s like the size of your fist!  So, SERIOUSLY!  How does he miss it?

So then this last week he is scanning around up in there trying to find something, with that typical dumbfounded look on his face and I have to remind him “Don’t you want me sit on those towels so you can get a better look?”

Dr M: “Oh! Yeah let’s try that.” Like he came up with the idea all by himself.

Then as you know he wasn’t able to find a heartbeat and he said he “thinks” I am measuring at 5 weeks and 5 days.  This just leaves me thinking… Does this guy really have any effin clue??

He doesn’t deliver babies anymore.  And I am starting to understand why.  Hubby says he was probably drunk all through medical school and cheated his way through it.  I am starting to think he might be right.

So with all of this frustration I have, I called Dr G, the specialist in Dallas.  This guy I trust.  He knows his shit and he doesn’t beat around the bush.  (Pun not intended… or was it? *evil grin*)

Anyhoo, Dr G says that he hasn’t known Dr M for very long and that he was approached my Dr M to do a remote partnership so that the patients in Texarkana would have access to a Fertility Specialist.  Otherwise, they do not.

After I tell him about all of the red flags I am seeing, he says he wants to see me in person and that he will be willing to work with any other doctor I choose in Texarkana, so that I don’t have to see Dr M anymore.  Yay!!

I have an appointment to see Dr G on Friday at 3PM.  He makes the 3 plus hour drive to Texarkana once a month to see the patients he has here.  I am very anxious to see him.  I am sure he will be doing another ultrasound to let me know what his opinion is.  Since this guy does this EVERY DAY and this is his life, I am feeling much more confident that he can tell me what the actual diagnosis is.

Dr M never gives me any details or information on anything.  We always have to dig it out of him and still don’t feel we get nearly enough.  Things are NOT that way with Dr G.

I am totally stoked!  Friday cannot come soon enough!  FINALLY we should have some answers.  I NEED TO KNOW!!!

Thanks for listening to my rant. 🙂



The Moon Will Show Me How??? Random Tuesday Thoughts


If you want to play along with Random Tuesday Thoughts, go here to get the widget and add your name to Mr. Linky.

Happy Tuesday and Happy Randomness!  You know how much I like a good random string of thoughts.  So without further ado… Random Tuesday Thoughts…

I got paid a pretty awesome-TASTIC compliment last night.  My Dad said “I wish I had been half the Dad to you kids that you are a Mom to Monkey.”

How awesome is that?!?!

It made me feel really great to get such a wonderful compliment from my parent about my parenting skills.  Woot Woot!


This was the conversation that went on in my bed at just before 2 am this morning.

Hubby:    The moon will show you how.

Me waking up out of a dead sleep:    HuhWhat’s wrong hon? What’d you say?

Hubby:   The MOON will show you how!

Me:    Ummm… Are you talking in your sleep?


Me confused:    The MOON?

Hubby annoyed:    Yes, the MOON. That thing in the sky!?

Me:   Ummmm………………….???

Hubby:   *snores*

Me:   Oh brother. *eyeroll*

Another random outburst from Hubby’s sleeping mind in the wee hours of the night.  This happens often and he never remembers.  Great fun.

sleep talking cartoon

Yesterday we had our ultrasound.  It didn’t go great.  There was no heartbeat, and I am only measuring at 5 weeks and 5 days.  Not great news folks.  Another ultrasound next Tuesday to see if we made any changes.  It just seems that this keeps dragging on and on and on.  At this point I just need to know.  It is very frustrating to not know.


Having the TV back is WONNN-ONNN-ONNDERFUL!!!  We are going to try and limit our time, but with fall shows coming back (woohooo!) I am anxiously awaiting some of my fav’s.  It was a great learning experience for us, and we will for sure do turn off the TV week in May, but having it back (especially since we are getting MORE rain *gag*) it helps keep me sane.  And it helps keep Monkey sane.  He gets cabin fever.


It is mean that I call my son Freddy Krueger because he refuses to let me cut his finger nails??  I’m going to have to get them registered if he won’t let me cut them soon…

“Yes I am here to register my son’s toenails as deadly weapons.” Hah!

Every time I try to cut them he starts screaming and wiggling like I am going to cut his hand off.  I am holding BABY clippers y’all!! Not a chainsaw!!  It’s quite a show.  *eyeroll*


Speaking of my little mountain climber, yesterday morning he decided to climb out of his crib for the first time.  Freaked him out!  Not nearly as much as it scared me, I’m sure.  But he was fine, just a little shaken up.

So last night, Hubby converted his crib to a toddler bed and we baby proofed every square inch of his room.  Lucky for us he sleeps with the door closed and can’t turn door knobs yet.  That should be fun when that occurs.

So I put some toys in there in hopes of getting him to stay quiet for just an extra few minutes as to afford Mommy a few extra winks.  Which actually worked out ok for about 30 minutes this morning.  It would have worked better though, if I didn’t have Mommy Radar.  You  know… the radar that makes me shoot out of a complete sleep as soon as his breathing changes on the monitor?  Yeah so I was awake but at least able to lie in bed and pretend to sleep for another 30 minutes this morning.

His room looks pretty good though, don’t you think?


And yes that is a baby gate in the window to keep him away from the blinds.  Can’t afford to replace the blinds, but can’t afford to have him swinging from them or hanging himself on them either.  So his room is 100% baby proof now!! 🙂

Ok, I will stop with the random craziness! 🙂

Have a great day y’all!!



**UPDATED** Tone deaf Wet Dog Random Tuesday Thoughts


If you want to play along with Random Tuesday Thoughts, go here to get the widget and add your name to Mr. Linky.

Monkey has finally realized that his poor Mama is tone deaf.  So whenever I start to sing lately, he YELLS at me.  You know, that weird grunting thing?  “UHH UHH UHH!!” with some “AAHHHH!” thrown in.  Well at first I just thought he didn’t want anyone to sing for him.  Call it desperation if you will, but I hoped it wasn’t me.  Then when I started to realize that he will let ANYONE else, and I do mean ANYONE else sing for him, I had to accept the facts.  This isn’t to say that I don’t continue to try.  But he grunts and yells through it all and then when I am done he lets out a loud “Yayyyyyyy!!!” and his eyes say “thank you for finally shutting the hell up mother!”

It’s not a great thing.  Cause even though I can’t carry a tune to save my life… I LOVE to sing.  So I just need to decide if I can either give it up or tune out his screams of protest while doing so. *evil grin*

Every night when I go to bed I pray that when I wake up the housecleaning fairies will have come and cleaned my house.  But alas… *sigh*… still no fairies.  Well I can’t be sure about the fairies actually.  I did notice that there is a bottle of wine missing.  And I found a few wine glasses with glitter on them.  So maybe they are on strike.  Maybe they just flutter in to drink my liquor and then pass out on my couch.  *shrug*

It is POURING rain here.  Again.  On the bright side, I think we can finally build a dock off our back porch.  Hubby is going to be thrilled when he comes home and realizes that our backyard is now a lake and he can finally get that boat he has been wanting.

However, let me just tell you… trying to get a Jack Russell and a Toy Pug to go wading out into the lake to take their morning tinkle break… not so fun.  Add to that their prissy, holy-er than thou attitudes and it turns into a real circus.

Picture this.  Me picking each of them up, one at a time, and running out to the grass to throw (yes THROW) them into it while screaming  “ it’s ok, go potty go potty, please go potty and mama give you a treat, go potty!!!”  Since of course I have to repeat this process until they finally realize I won’t stop until they pee, you can imagine I am drenched before this is all through.

Then comes the ÜBER FUN task of trying to dry them.  Jazz, the pug, seems to think that trying to attack the towel AND the arms that hold the towel is the best way to accomplish this task.

I have to start chanting to myself Cass, be the pack leader, be the pack leader!! Guess who successful I am at *that*??

That is a less than successful endeavor, so I just have to deal with wet carpet and couches all day.  And hey, on the bright side, who doesn’t love a nice wet dog air freshener??? 🙂

So I can’t lie.  I am sitting here trying to type my random thoughts but the only thing going through my mind is the pending ultrasound.  My appointment is in less than an hour to see if this pregnancy is still working out.  The numbers show that it is but we haven’t seen a heartbeat yet.  I am sooooo nervous.  I have a bad feeling in my gut.  I am just trying not to throw up.  Wish me luck!!!

I will try and post an update later today.


The ultrasound went well today.  After the doctor searched high and low ForEVER, he finally found the little gestational sac.  There is only one sac.  So I won’t be getting my own TV show! For those of you who have made comments about that.  LOL

I am measuring about 5 weeks now.  We thought we were about a week and a half further along.  But you never know.  All my numbers and measurements are consistent with 5 weeks.  God works in mysterious ways.  But I am feeling much better about things today.  So happy that it is not a tubal pregnancy!

We will have another ultrasound Monday morning to see if we can get a heartbeat.

Thank you for your prayers!!



And I am back!!! Miss me? Dear Friday So and So…

Dear So and So...

Sorry for falling off the grid there.  Jimmy and I are sick, AGAIN, for the 2nd time in a month.  Yay germs.  😦

Without further ado… here is Friday’s Dear So and So!!  Have a great weekend!!


Dear Baby or Babies to be,

Please let me see you on the ultrasound next week.  It was disheartening to not be able to see you yesterday on the ultrasound.  I am trying to stay positive and hopeful since your numbers are still climbing and suggesting you are doing really well.  Just give me a sign.  K?

Anxiously awaiting good news,



Dear Sinus Infection number two,

Seriously?  Again?  Seriously???  It’s been like what… two weeks since you last attacked me!?!?!  Oh.My.Gawwwd.

You suck,



Dear Monkey,

I am so sorry that I can’t make you feel better.  I am so sorry that you take after your Mama and want complete undivided attention when you are sick.  I understand that you feel the need to be held, cuddled, and smothered in hugs and kisses 24/7 when you are sick.  I don’t even mind that you wipe your very alarmingly green boogers on my shirt.  This is how bad I feel that you are sick and that I can’t fix it.

Not the Super Mommy Fixer of All Things that I thought I was,



Dear Laundry,

Please do yourself.  Cause I am on sabbatical.

Thanks much,



Dear Messy House,

Please clean yourself.  Seriously.  Ugh.



Dear To Do List,

Why must you mock me?




Dear Homeless Man from the Taco Bell yesterday,

When you walked up to my car, I tried to act nonchalant and didn’t rush to roll up my window even though my snobby side told me to.  And when you asked me if I would be so kind as to spare a few bucks or get you some lunch, I agreed because you looked like you needed a yummy Taco Bell lunch, so I ordered you up 3 fat burritos.  However, I must say I felt a bit uncomfortable when you asked to get into my truck, and that is of course why I declined your invite.  But you agreed to meet me around the side by the pickup window to retrieve your lunch, so I let it go.  I really beginning to get the heebie jeebies though when I looked around to give you your lunch and you were nowhere to be found.  Now my panicky side is left to wonder A) Where the hell did you go?  B) What was your real intent on coming to my window and asking me to get in to my truck? And C) What do I do with these three burritos??

Thank you for making my good deed feel like something that could have resulted in me being on the 10 o’clock news.  You are a creepy, creepy man that will haunt my dreams now.  I just pray you were too drunk or strung out to remember that I agreed to buy you lunch.

Please don’t ever approach my truck again and freak me the hell out,



Dear Readers,
Thank you for putting up with me for another week. I do hope that you chose to participate in Dear So and So. Just click here to go to Kat’s Blog and get the button for your page. Or add your letter in the comments. Would love to read!
Have a fantastic weekend!!!
Thanks for stopping by, again 😀


Cops who pee, smelly plugs, crappy friends and other Random Tuesday Thoughts


If you want to play along with Random Tuesday Thoughts, go here to get the widget and add your name to Mr. Linky.

Oi!  Today is one of those days.  Just blah.  It’s hot outside and I am feeling Oohgy! (yes it’s a word, cause I just said it was).

I am still a little crampy and puffy from the IUI last week.  The doctor says its normal but wants to see me just to be sure that I am not over-stimulated and by that they mean in an “uh oh, you’re in trouble” kinda way.  So another ultrasound, which is always fine by me.

Friday marks 10 days since the IUI so I am hoping we will get a BIG FAT POSITIVE pregnancy test by then. I am soooo feeling like this is going to work this cycle. *grin* Positive thinking? Perhaps.  But either way, I am stoked!  Can’t wait.

The other day there was a cop sitting out in front of our house to catch people who don’t stop at the stop sign.  No big deal, they cops are there a lot.  I always offer them bottled water, because sucking up to cops who are catching A-Holes speeding and running the stop sign in front of my house are the kinda cops I wanna suck up to.  *nod*

So after an outing, after I get out of the car, I say hello to him and let him know that if he needs anything, just feel free to knock on my door.  He politely thanks me and returns to his eagle eye watching of the stop sign.

Then about an hour later, I am passing through the kitchen and happen to notice the officer getting out of his car.  He opens the door, leaves it open, walks around to the back of the car and proceeds to *URINATE* on the street.  Right there, plain as day.  I was in shock.  I just thought… “ohhh myyyy gawwwd!”.  But what are you gonna do?  I suppose when you have to go, you have to go, right?  *shrug*

Which reminds me of a bathroom issue.  Why are there never enough damn outlet plugs in a bathroom??  Do home builders really not realize what women people do in a bathroom?

I have a HUGE master bathroom.  I have no idea why they built my bathroom so big in comparison to the size of my house, but I *LOVE* it!  Seriously, everyone who see’s it says “Oh my god! Was that supposed to be an extra bedroom?” or “Who the heck needs a bathroom that big?!?”.  And Chuck and I have even joked that we could put our king size bed into that bathroom with plenty of walking space left.  Because we could!

However, there are only 2 outlets in the whole thing.  There are his and her sinks on opposite ends of the room and yet there are TWO outlets!  That is only 2 little plugs for each of us.  If Chuck’s is all used up by his toothbrush and his electric shaver, then please tell me how am I supposed to plug in my smelly wall thingy from Bath and Body works, my night light (cause I might just be afraid of the dark), my electric toothbrush, my straightening iron and my blow dryer???  I am always unplugging stuff to plug in other stuff.  And then sometimes I get confused and plug in the wrong thing.  It’s crazy!

After I win the lotto (hah!), I plan to build myself with enough outlets for any practical gal, and a set of his and hers toilets. *grin* This way I always know what I am going to be sitting on. Yeah baby.

Oh oh oh, and gueeessssss what???? Ok, I know you can’t guess BUT… Today my GRAM will be here!!!!!! WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!  I am so excited!  She will be here for 3 glorious weeks!  We are going to go shopping and play with the Monkey, and maybe go to the zoo, and go to a baby consignment sale at the fairgrounds, and we are going to cook and bake and have the BESTEST TIME!!!  I can’t wait! 😀

I heard this funny answering machine message in an email joke the other day and I am pretty sure I will be changing my voicemail to say this.

“I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.  I am making some changes in my life.  Please leave a message after the beep.  If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.”

It is time for Mama to make some serious changes in my life. It has been a long time coming.  I have several friends that I need to cut ties with.  However, I have decided that as of today, I am giving all of them a clean slate.  BUT!  Going forward, I am no longer letting people walk all over me, have one sided “all about them” conversations EVERY FRIGGIN TIME WE TALK, not letting them abuse my super huge caring heart *grin*, or letting them lie, and not letting them bring all sorts of negativity in my life.  Going forward, it is all about good, positive, giving, HONEST, real people.  All the others will be shunned.  *nod*

What are some random’s in your life today?  Do you have anyone you need or plan to sluff off?  How do you plan on ridding yourself of them?



about moi…

Hi, my name is Cass. I am married to an amazing man who loves me unconditionally. I’m a stay at home mom to a rockin’ 2 year old boy who I call Monkey. I have an 12 year old step-daughter who lives in another state. We miss her daily. We also have two fur babies, Daisy and Jazz, who keep us on our toes. They are awesome!

I am a complete goofball, a photographer and a constant out loud thinker. I am a grammar challenged, vulgar, cursing, sex obsessed Big Mama fumbling through life. Among other things, I battle PCOS causing infertility, Bi Polar, Anxiety and OCD.

Currently I am riding the fertility roller coaster in an attempt to make Monkey #2. This blog is about a little of everything. I hope you enjoy. Read at your own risk!


my photography page:



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