Posts Tagged ‘sex

24
Sep
09

Care for some sticky sex? TMI Thursday

TMI Thursday
***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

Welcome to another TMI Thursday!  If you are related to me and/or don’t want to read a fairly detailed story involving me and naughty things, don’t read.  You have been warned.

Four score and seven years ago… err… wait.  That’s another story.  LOL

Let’s just say MANY years ago… but not *that* many cause I am only 21, ahem, I was spending a relaxing, romantic weekend with my ex.  We had a beautiful cabin in Estes Park, overlooking a beautiful stream, surrounded by the beautiful mountains.  The room we rented had this huge Jacuzzi tub inside and all the luxury of a honeymoon suite.  Very romantic right?

Our first day there, we were enjoying the room and sitting on the couch talking.  One thing led to another and I was the recipient of some oral goodness on the couch.  Then of course oral fun leads to intercourse fun and viola, you have all the makings of a sexy romantic moment, right?

Until… you start to notice you are feeling… how shall I say?  Sticky?

Let me attempt to set the scene.  I am lying on my back.  He is on his knees, bent over at the waist, head laying on my shoulder after he has… had his ‘hoorah’ so to speak.

I have noticed that I am feeling the weird sticky feeling that I mentioned earlier.  Sticky.  Not quite a good feeling.  And then it hits me. “Where is your gum?!?!?!” after I notice that he is no longer chewing it.

Oh.

My.

Gawwwd.

Guess who forgot to take the gum out of his mouth and then forgot it was there AND THEN consequently got it stuck all over my girlie parts?!?!?!  Ahh yup!

So we are both COVERED in florescent blue chewing GUM!!! It is strung all over us and all over the couch. Neither of us were going for the Brazilian look at the time, so you can imagine when I say it was stuck… It was STUCK! Don’t judge, it was a LONG time ago and to be honest, I don’t even know if that look was invented yet! LOL

So we both are laughing hysterically, be in more of an angry “oh my effing lord, how could you forget you had gum in your mouth??” and him more of a “oh shit, she is going to kill me now” sort of laugh.

So there we are both sitting in the huge hot tub, not to enjoy a lovely bubble bath together, but to try and get the GUM OFF!  *eyeroll*

How is that for romance???

Make sure you head over to LiLu’s place to read other fantastic TMI stories!!

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21
Sep
09

In the land of Monkey’s Mama part deux

Being a stay at home Mom is a privilege.  One that I love the opportunity of having.  It is my favorite job and I wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world.  But it is still a JOB.  Anyone who doesn’t agree with me can meet me at the flagpole after school!!

There are days when I feel like my job duties are monotonous and draining.  And then I have the dreaded “I don’t wanna” feeling.  All Mom’s do, right?

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Well it has been raining non-stop for like 1290387412398412390 days and as I have expressed before, I *NEED* sunshine for my sanity.  When the weather gets like this I tend to start falling off in the chore department.  Laundry, house cleaning and even grocery shopping.

When I was single, I loved how on those days when I didn’t feel like grocery shopping, I could hop into my car, in my pajamas at whatever time I felt the urge, take a measly 3 bucks and get a fairly yummy dinner from my nearest fast food dump restaurant.  Then even better, no cooking and no dishes!!  Not really beneficial for my waistline but hey, what’s my waistline ever REALLY done for me?

Last week, I had to really start getting creative when it came to meals and snacks.  I have the basics to keep us going.  But I am usually so OCD that I have a list on the fridge of the meals I am going to make for the week.  Seriously.  It says on the top in bold script Meals by Mommy. 🙂

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That is how I *usually* roll.  But then the rain hits me and all I care about is laying around, reading books to Jimmy, pretending my jammies are every day clothes, and letting the minutes slowly tick by during the day.

Then every day I glance at the clock around five o’clock and go “OH SHIT! What am I going to make for dinner?!?!”  And then proceed to run around the kitchen like a nut trying to find something suitable to feed us all.  The benefit to this is that I have created some really great meals with this tactic.  Meals that Hubby has asked me to repeat.

I am starting to ramble?  Oh.  Sorry.  Here is my actual point.  YES I did have one.

All of this made me start thinking of the little things that I miss.  None of which are missed enough to give up this rockin’ Mommy job of course, but they are things that I miss.  So I am going to share some of them with you.

I miss:

  • Sleeping in (or the possibility of EVER sleeping in again)
  • Pooping alone (they should tell kids in high school about this one! That would help eliminate a LOT of teen pregnancy, don’t you think? Lol)  Although when you have the toddler and both dogs in there, you can pretend it’s a party.  How fun, right? *eyeroll*
  • Playing loud music in the car and SINGING out loud!  (and Monkey loves my singing! *sigh*)
  • Sex anywhere in the house we want, whenever we want.  (I suppose there are always naps! LOL)
  • Talking on the phone (which is the exact point in my sons head that he feels he needs to be the absolute LOUDEST he can possibly be… EVER!)
  • Sunday lazy movies days spent all day on the couch in our jammies  (now if we try to watch any movie that doesn’t have Baby PainInTheAssCauseItsAllWeEverGetToWatch Einstein on the cover, Monkey screams and hits the TV, which makes movie watching less than pleasurable)
  • Reading a book (I never thought I would have to give this up *sigh*)
  • Going out to see a movie (in a THEATER!) anytime I want.
  • Basically just having any privacy

I would love for everyone to share something they miss after becoming a Mommy.  And if you are not a Mommy, what is something you miss from… ummm… drawing a blank here… ummm…. You decide.  Kay?

Oh and thank BOB for the sun finally coming out this weekend!!  I feel much better!!  (Aside from the first trimester exhaustion, of course.)

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Got the grocery shopping done.  Got the house cleaned… err… well sort of.  Things are sort of getting back to normal around these parts.  Mommy’s gloom is clearing. 🙂

Now today we have the ultrasound at 10:15 to check on the pregnancy.  That in and of itself is going to give me a heart attack.  Pray for me.  Please!  🙂

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17
Sep
09

The Bee’s Knees Sexy Sweet Nothings TMI Thursday

TMI Thursday
***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

Well this would be my first TMI Thursday write ever.  I have been told that I should do this and week after week I rack my brain for something about poo or vagina’s to write about and I come up empty.

My Gram and I were on the phone for FOUR hours after she left the other day and we were sharing stories about relationships.  It was then that my first TMI story revealed itself to me.

Hope it’s all you ever hoped for Courtni! 🙂

I once dated a fireman.  We will call him J.  J was HOT.  I wish I had a picture because he so yummy!  He had a killer body and a nice chiseled face.  Blond hair, blue eyes.  He always looked like he just hopped off a surfboard.

sexy fire man

Pretty much the same bod, yup. *nod*

Very Fireman-esque.  I had more than one friend that was hot for his bod as soon as they met him.  ESPECIALLY after they found out he was a fireman.   Something about a uniform.  Don’t ask me cause I am guilty too.  Something about uniforms and/or suits.  As a matter of fact, throw Hubby into a suit and I am putty in his hands!

20040905-3538See?? Putty I tell ya.

Seriously.  But I digress…

J and I barely dated, so I use that term loosely.  But while I was still with my ex, who we will call Satan, I started working with J.  He was the maintenance man in the building I worked at.  He did that part time.  (Apparently being a fireman isn’t the paying gig that one might think it should be.)

Anyhoo… after I left Satan, J offered to help me move out. What a guy! *(I barely took anything when I left so it was a relatively easy move.)  But after he so nicely assisted me, we began to hang out more.  And when I say dated is a loose term, I mean he never took me anywhere except to Target once to help him shop.  I KNOW!  Lol

However, he started coming around more and I thought… I have never been a promiscuous person, but I just ended a 10 year nightmare relationship.  And this guy was HOT.  So I figured since the making out was so good (and it was)… why not? *grin*

So lemme set the scene for you.

We are making out on my couch.  The heavy petting kind of making out.  And I am thinkingYAY!! This is going to be awesome!!” He is breathing heavy, I am breathing heavy.  We are both still fully clothed, but things are heating up so I expect that will change any minute.

And then while nibbling on my ear, he whispers something that no man has ever said to me before.

J:  “Do you feel that baby?….” long pause… more excited noises “….That is my Chapstick tube”

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Ummmmm…….

Me:  “umm, whaaaat?”

J: “I said do you feel that?  That is my Chapstick tube”

WTF did he just say?!?!!!

wtf

Me: “umm… listen, I don’t think this is going to work for me.”

Talk about a MOOD KILLER!!  After that I made him leave.  I just thought, “WTF was *I* thinking!??!”

And I never heard from him again.  Ever.  LOL  He didn’t call or write or anything.  Just *POOF* gone.

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In other news…

I got an AWARD!!!  Why you ask?? Well cause I rock, thats why.  ayup!

Stacie of Stacie’s Madness gave me this award…

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Since one of my all time favorite sayings is The Bee’s Knees, I just thought it was so fitting.  Don’t you agree??? 🙂

(This is where you say yes, btw) 😀

Here is the rules of the award:

Rules
1) When accepting your Bee’s Knees award you should link back to the person that presented it to you.

2) You should pass the love onto any other blogger(s) as many or as few as you so desire.

So then I had to go and think.  Who’s blogs are the Bee’s Knees.  And better yet, who would accept the award.  (I am just picking three of my fav’s, not THE ONLY fav’s so just hush. Otherwise, I will be here all day)  Sooooo, without further ado, I proudly present the Your Blog is The Bee’s Knees award to :

Jill of The Pilgrim Congress

LiLu of Live it LOVE it

Lani of Triplets: Who knew?

Any crazy TMI situations you have found yourself in?  Feel free to share below! 🙂

Have a FAB Thursday!!

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about moi…

Hi, my name is Cass. I am married to an amazing man who loves me unconditionally. I’m a stay at home mom to a rockin’ 2 year old boy who I call Monkey. I have an 12 year old step-daughter who lives in another state. We miss her daily. We also have two fur babies, Daisy and Jazz, who keep us on our toes. They are awesome!

I am a complete goofball, a photographer and a constant out loud thinker. I am a grammar challenged, vulgar, cursing, sex obsessed Big Mama fumbling through life. Among other things, I battle PCOS causing infertility, Bi Polar, Anxiety and OCD.

Currently I am riding the fertility roller coaster in an attempt to make Monkey #2. This blog is about a little of everything. I hope you enjoy. Read at your own risk!

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my photography page:

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tweeeet:

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my validation!

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