Posts Tagged ‘pregnancy

10
Nov
09

Crazy Leg, Fugly Random Tuesday Thoughts

randomtuesday

If you want to play along with Random Tuesday Thoughts, go here to get the widget and add your name to Mr. Linky.

This is one of the best blogs I have read in FOREVER.  GOOO read it and don’t forget to come back.  It’s a short read and I promise you will laugh so hard, you may pee yourself.  Just warning you.  🙂

Oscarelli: Gang Signs

Have you ever been sitting in traffic and had your foot on the brake so long that suddenly you are afraid you aren’t pushing hard enough?  And that at any minute your foot might fall asleep and you will crash into the car in front of you?  And all the sudden your leg starts to shake and you start to think “Oh my god I am going to cream the car in front of me and we aren’t even moving!” No?  Oh, ok, maybe it’s just me.

You know how some days you look in the mirror and you think “eh Christ, today I look like shit! Gah!” and then the rest of the day you feel like it’s totally your ‘Ugly’ Day?  Yeah, well I have been doing that every day for the last like 2 years.  I am thinking of removing the mirrors from my house.

That would be most rough on Monkey though, because that boy LOVES to look at himself.  He even flirts with himself.  It’s so hilarious.  And it’s not just mirrors, it’s ANY reflection.  He sees himself in the TV and he will run by staring at himself laughing.  And run back again.  Over and over.  He is nuts.

I had a dream Friday night that I was having an ultrasound performed and I said to the tech, “Hey! There are two babies!” and she said “oh well look at that! There sure is! Looks like twins!”

And that’s all I can remember.  That and that when I was looking at the ultrasound monitor, the babies looked like a drawing and not like a sonograph picture.  Very weird.

But I can’t get it out of my head.  Are twins in our future?   I am trying not to get my hopes up.  But we are going to try again, with our doctors go ahead, on my next cycle.  Which should be right about Christmas day if I am calculating right.  Actually, I would start injections Christmas eve.  IF of course my body does what it is supposed to do.  With the help of all the drugs they are giving me of course. *grin*

I don’t want to get my hopes up but my gut says that I will get pregnant.  That of course leads into the next question… will I stay pregnant this time.  PCOS is such a beast.  GRRR *Pout*.

Hubby was gone all weekend on a fishing trip and I took the opportunity to start redoing our house.  Since it appears that we are going to be here for a while and not heading home to Colorado like I had hoped, I have decided to make some changes around here.  For starters, I want to redo our living room.  Our furniture is old and it is starting to feel like you are sitting on marble, not on a soft squishy couch.  I am going to miss it but… not that much.  🙂

I am also going to start redecorating other parts of the house.  Like Monkey’s room and the master bedroom.  I can’t paint because we rent, but I am going to get some paint out and touch up some of the nicks and marks that we have put on the walls.  And by *we* I mean *the boys*!

This weekend I started reorganizing all over the house.  I am Queen of the Label Maker.  All Hail Label Maker.  Amen.

So I labeled the kitchen cupboards and some of my office stuff so far.

I also decided that I had enough of those damn ants.  So, I actually sprayed some bug spray. *gasp*  I know, I know.  They may move elsewhere, but I am going to take my chances!!  Those little nasty shits have spent enough time in my house!  I am fed UP!  And so far it seems to have worked.

I am seriously considering calling the Bug Killer Owner Guy and chewing him out.  I paid him $70 and all I got were bugs!  I went to Walmart and spent $3.95 and my ant problem is solved.  Ponder that!

For some reason I am addicted to 80’s music the last week or so.  I can’t get enough.  And as luck would have it, we have an 80’s radio station here.  Awesome!  And even MORE lucky is the fact that Monkey LOVES it!!  He dances all over the room.  It’s so cute!!  I am trying to get a video of him.

It’s weird though, because for a Photographers kid, he is oddly camera shy.  *shrug*

Well, I am ALLLLLL about the lame blogs lately, aren’t I?

 

Click here to check out today’s Daily Photo Blog… Ruff Daily Photo Blog


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02
Oct
09

Yay! It’s Friday Dear So and So!!!

Dear So and So...

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Dear Dr W,

You are my new doctor.  Oh my effing god you ROCK!  You are so awesome and I am so glad I found you.

Even though I am petrified about having the D&C on Monday, I couldn’t ask for a more competent doctor.  And I trust your judgment that we cannot wait any longer.

The glowing review from Dr G really helped but when I learned that you used to partner with the doctor the delivered my son, now THAT makes me heart you.  Totally.

I am so glad I found you and when you said that you couldn’t wait to you deliver my next child, I knew.  I really, really knew.

You rock,

Cass

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Dear Hubby,

I am so happy that you are back.  I am officially swooning.  I fall in love with you all over again every day.  It’s wonderful.  I am so lucky.  (And so are you *grin*)

Loving you always,

Wife

PS… You, me, wine, candlelight, Saturday night, be there *wink*

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Dear Monkey,

I love how even though I didn’t have to tell you how much Mommy was going through you just knew.  You have been my little rock this week.  Your extra hugs and kisses when I don’t even expect them are AMAZING.  I am so blessed to have such a perfect tiny man in my life.

Love you baby,

Mommy

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Dear Nanny,

Monkey loves you.  And this in turn makes Hubby and I love you.  However, it has begun to puzzle me how you oddly smell of Indian food and dog urine lately.  At first, I thought maybe it was me.  However, now I have had to change Monkey’s clothes and Febreeze the entire house after your departure the last two times you were here.

We will continue to love you, but do tell… what’s the deal?  Anything I can do?

Puzzled,

Cass

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Dear Daisy,

Thank you for jumping up to greet Mommy when she came home from the doctor today.  I love how much you love me.  However, the HUGE HOLE you tore in my new shirt… doesn’t love you.

Now hold still so I can cut your dang nails!!!

Also, can you tell me why EVERYONE in this house has fingernail issues, including yourself??

Frustrated,

Mom

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Dear Steelers,

Please feel free to kick some Chargers tail this weekend.

Yay!! 🙂

Proudly sporting my black and gold,

Cass

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Dear Mother Nature,

Awwwww, thank you SOOOOO much for finally reading my letters, emails and texts, however, I suspect the sky writing plane with the sign “BRING COOLER WEATHER… PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!!” may have done the trick.  81 degrees today?  You ROCK!

Thank you, thank you, thank you,

Cass

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Dear Readers,

Want to participate in Dear So and So?  Just click here to go to Kat’s Blog and get the button for your page. Or add your letter in the comments. Can’t wait to read your letters!
Have a fantastic weekend!!!

Smootchies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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01
Oct
09

Umm… That’s not your belly button…

Happy Thursday!  Which means TOMORROW awesome peeps is FRIDAY!!  Wootwoot! 🙂

Ok so technically, Mommy’s don’t get weekends, but I like to dream, nnkay?

LOL

So my sour puss whiny self has officially left the building.  I know, try to contain your sighs of relief.

And I have decided to postpone the D&C and let nature take a shot at this first.  If nothing works in a week or so, then D&C it is.

BUT!  Until then… I PROMISE, no more sappy, crabby, the world sucks comments.  Kay?

I have a killer support system.  Dude seriously, how lucky am I?  All of my friends and family and internet friends out there are so awesome!!

I know that this pregnancy didn’t work, and trust me when I say that I am pissed about it, but I am to the point now where I know there isn’t anything I can do about it except let it happen and move on to the next one.

Even with this, we are undeterred from our goal.  Sure it sucks (way!) but it is what it is.  So we move on.

So *I* finally finished a BOOK!  I have been having some sort of readers block (haha) for a few months now.  I used to read book after book after book.  Somehow, in the last few months, I hit a wall.  So I finally finished reading Submissive Confessions by CK George.  AWWW AWW AWWESOME book!  I TOTALLY recommend checking it out.  Go there, click the link.  You KNOW you want to.  😀

And now I am finally getting back to Lost and Found by Jacqueline Sheehan which I am totally diggin so far.  It’s a calm easy read after the very powerful emotions of the last book.

I know I am SOOOOOO behind on blogs but I have been going thru some stuff. 🙂 So I promise… no… I *VOW* to get back to them very soon and again read each and every one of your blogs.

Promise.  Cross my heart.  Hope to… why the hell did we ever think that was a good saying as kids??

Anyhoo… I totally promise, k?  Pinky swear! 🙂

So on a totally funny note, I will leave you with this…

Last night we (Monkey and I) were on webcam with my Gram and my Dad.  Monkey was laughing and kissing them on the monitor and doing all the cutie patootie stuff that he always does.

And then, as mothers typically do, I wanted to show them some of the new tricks… err things he has learned.  *teehee*  So I say, “Monkey, where are your hands?” and he waves his hands in front of him and laughs, and I say “Good job Monkey, where is your belly button?” and expect him to lift his shirt and point to his belly button as he usually does.  However, in a curious turn of events he instead grabs his mini man parts like he is Michael Jackson or Andrew Dice Clay!  They start LAUGHING, and I am laughing and it’s all good times had by all.

Well that’s all for me today.  Poor hubby has been working a gazillion hours this week so I need to sneak in a shower while Monkey naps or I can say adios to getting clean today.

Have a fantastic day all.

MUCH LOVE for all the amazing comments, emails and messages you have all been sending.  You have no idea how helpful you have all been.  I owe you.  Big time.

Hugs!!

ps… and Monkey is awake.  So much for *regular bathing*

*eyeroll*

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28
Sep
09

The Dreaded Post…

The ultrasound Friday with Dr G didn’t go well.  Not only did he not find a heartbeat but the pregnancy stopped growing.  It not only stopped growing, but actually started shrinking.  Which Dr G says is normal when the pregnancy fails.

Last Monday, the crown to rump measurement was 1.8 cm, and Friday it was only 2 mm!

Dr G has referred me to a new doctor, so that I don’t have to see Dr M anymore.  However when I called the new doctor, he is out of town until next week.  So I have to go to Dallas to have the D&C done on  Friday.  Dallas is a 3 hour drive.  ONE WAY.  Should be a fun day.  I am going to request a sleeping pill so that I can sleep in the car on the way back.

We are going to try again, and life is going to go on.  This isn’t the first time.  Not even close.  But right now, I just need a bit of time to process.  To grieve.  To be angry.  To mourn. To curse the world and all of the pregnant “oops I am pregnant” women out there who have no idea how freaking lucky they are.  Bitter much?

25
Sep
09

Puggy Petrified Dear So and So Friday

Dear So and So...

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Dear Jasmine, Queen of this crib,

I love you.  I do.  You are by far the VERY coolest Pug I have EVER met.  However, Mommy has a bone to pick with you.  And not the kind you like.

Why must you stand in the kitchen and bark for my attention when I am on the other side of the house?? All so that I can come running, thinking there is something wrong with you, like you are stuck in a bear trap (what? It could happen)?  And then to be suckered into the very basic need of you wanting a treat.  A treat that you did nothing to deserve.  Except perhaps making Mommy stub her toe while coming to your “aide”.  *humph*

Not cool chicka, not cool.

Mama

PS.  Thanks so much for rushing to my side immediately after I wrote this letter to you, and promptly puking the bone/treat on the carpet next to my feet.  That was LUUUVVLY.  *gag*

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Dear Cass,

How weird are you that in order to clean up the dog vomit you start chanting to yourself “it’s poop, it’s poop, pretend its poop, it’s poop,  it’s only poop!” in order to keep from heaving?  Even *I* think that is weird.  And I am you.  Sooo…    whoa.

Me

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Dear Window 7,

Wow!  I said it could never be done, but Microsoft has apparently finally put something out on the market that actually works.  And you my friend are it.  I am in love with how smoothly you actually work.  And going on 4 months without an issue, I am in shock.  Wow.

Maybe the Microsoft Nazi’s are done trying to take over the world.

Not likely but hoping,

Cass

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Dear Hubby,

Date last night was rockin!  You were smoking in your sexy get up.  And clearly, so was I.  Since you have already thanked me (heh heh), I suppose I won’t bitch and complain from now until Sunday night while you are off gallivanting with your fishing buddies off in the river.

Have a good time, because next weekend Mama gets a day off! Kapeesh?

Love you,

Wife

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Dear Monkey,

Mama can’t believe you are in a big boy bed!  I am so proud of you!  Do you think that, perhaps, you could wake me up in the morning when you get up?  Then you won’t have to take every single diaper out of the diaper changing table and throw them across the room.  And you won’t have to take all of your clothes out of your dresser drawers and THROW them all over you room.  Mommy put those toys in there for you to play with.  Not for you to THROW across the room.  (I amsensing a theme here?)

Thank you regardless for letting me sleep an additional 39 minutes this morning.  It was completely worth walking into the diaper, clothes, toy tornado that was your room.  TOTALLY worth it.

Love you baby,

Mommy

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Dear Dr G,

Give me some good news today about the pregnancy, k?  I am really really really really really really scared.  Really.

Please?  Please.  Pretty Please.  K?

Petrified,

Cass

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Dear Readers,
Thank you for putting up with me for another week. I do hope that you chose to participate in Dear So and So. Just click here to go to Kat’s Blog and get the button for your page. Or add your letter in the comments. Would love to read!
Have a fantastic weekend!!!
Thanks for stopping by, again 🙂
Xoxo

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23
Sep
09

Doctors Schmoctors!!

I have all these blogs that have been bouncing around in my head.  Things I want to get on paper.  And yet when I sit down to write them my brain goes blank.  Is that weird?  Well I can tell you it is most annoying .  Grr.

I am working on a good TMI post for tomorrow 🙂  Should have you all giggling pretty well.  So look forward to that and bear with me while I do a little griping.

Today I am sort of having this little pity party for myself.  I am feeling all emotional and wondering if things are going to work out with this pregnancy.  I am scared, but trying to remain hopeful.

Part of what is frustrating me so bad is that I feel like the doctor, Dr M, I have here in Texarkana is pretty much a moron.  I just don’t get good vibes from him.  I had to start seeing him because my infertility specialist, Dr G, who is based in Dallas, works with Dr M here in Texarkana.

Usually, or at least in my past, I have had an ultrasound tech do all of the ultrasounds on me.  Someone who is very familiar with Ultrasound machines and who is trained exclusively in reading and deciphering them.  Dr M does his own ultrasounds.  In my head I am guessing this is an attempt to save money.  Makes sense.  Well it would make better sense if I felt that Dr M actually had extensive training in administering the ultrasound.

The problem is that I don’t think he has a clue.  I will be laying there and he is all up in my bidness with that HUGE probe scanning my innards, and he always has this look on his face like… “uhhh… ummm… uhhhh, whats that? Uhhhh” It is *not* very reassuring.

The first time he actually was able to find the gestational sac. (last Tuesday the 15th) it only happened after about 15 minutes of him searching and saying there was no sac.  It was when I tried to move to reposition myself because he was STABING ME IN KIDNEY being too aggressive that he said, “Oh wait! I think I see something” and then had the nurse prop my hiney on a few towels for a better look.  Apparently my position helped.

“WTF?!?!”

He was about to let me leave thinking that I had no gestational sac and that I didn’t have a viable pregnancy, because he couldn’t FIND the sac!?  Looks pretty darn clear to me on the screen!

Isn’t there a procedure in place for ultrasound techs to scan the entire uterus?  It isn’t that big people!  It’s like the size of your fist!  So, SERIOUSLY!  How does he miss it?

So then this last week he is scanning around up in there trying to find something, with that typical dumbfounded look on his face and I have to remind him “Don’t you want me sit on those towels so you can get a better look?”

Dr M: “Oh! Yeah let’s try that.” Like he came up with the idea all by himself.

Then as you know he wasn’t able to find a heartbeat and he said he “thinks” I am measuring at 5 weeks and 5 days.  This just leaves me thinking… Does this guy really have any effin clue??

He doesn’t deliver babies anymore.  And I am starting to understand why.  Hubby says he was probably drunk all through medical school and cheated his way through it.  I am starting to think he might be right.

So with all of this frustration I have, I called Dr G, the specialist in Dallas.  This guy I trust.  He knows his shit and he doesn’t beat around the bush.  (Pun not intended… or was it? *evil grin*)

Anyhoo, Dr G says that he hasn’t known Dr M for very long and that he was approached my Dr M to do a remote partnership so that the patients in Texarkana would have access to a Fertility Specialist.  Otherwise, they do not.

After I tell him about all of the red flags I am seeing, he says he wants to see me in person and that he will be willing to work with any other doctor I choose in Texarkana, so that I don’t have to see Dr M anymore.  Yay!!

I have an appointment to see Dr G on Friday at 3PM.  He makes the 3 plus hour drive to Texarkana once a month to see the patients he has here.  I am very anxious to see him.  I am sure he will be doing another ultrasound to let me know what his opinion is.  Since this guy does this EVERY DAY and this is his life, I am feeling much more confident that he can tell me what the actual diagnosis is.

Dr M never gives me any details or information on anything.  We always have to dig it out of him and still don’t feel we get nearly enough.  Things are NOT that way with Dr G.

I am totally stoked!  Friday cannot come soon enough!  FINALLY we should have some answers.  I NEED TO KNOW!!!

Thanks for listening to my rant. 🙂

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22
Sep
09

The Moon Will Show Me How??? Random Tuesday Thoughts

randomtuesday

If you want to play along with Random Tuesday Thoughts, go here to get the widget and add your name to Mr. Linky.

Happy Tuesday and Happy Randomness!  You know how much I like a good random string of thoughts.  So without further ado… Random Tuesday Thoughts…

I got paid a pretty awesome-TASTIC compliment last night.  My Dad said “I wish I had been half the Dad to you kids that you are a Mom to Monkey.”

How awesome is that?!?!

It made me feel really great to get such a wonderful compliment from my parent about my parenting skills.  Woot Woot!

YouRock1

This was the conversation that went on in my bed at just before 2 am this morning.

Hubby:    The moon will show you how.

Me waking up out of a dead sleep:    HuhWhat’s wrong hon? What’d you say?

Hubby:   The MOON will show you how!

Me:    Ummm… Are you talking in your sleep?

Hubby yelling: THE MOON WILL SHOW YOU HOW!!

Me confused:    The MOON?

Hubby annoyed:    Yes, the MOON. That thing in the sky!?

Me:   Ummmm………………….???

Hubby:   *snores*

Me:   Oh brother. *eyeroll*

Another random outburst from Hubby’s sleeping mind in the wee hours of the night.  This happens often and he never remembers.  Great fun.

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Yesterday we had our ultrasound.  It didn’t go great.  There was no heartbeat, and I am only measuring at 5 weeks and 5 days.  Not great news folks.  Another ultrasound next Tuesday to see if we made any changes.  It just seems that this keeps dragging on and on and on.  At this point I just need to know.  It is very frustrating to not know.

funny-pictures-sad-cat-blackandwhite

Having the TV back is WONNN-ONNN-ONNDERFUL!!!  We are going to try and limit our time, but with fall shows coming back (woohooo!) I am anxiously awaiting some of my fav’s.  It was a great learning experience for us, and we will for sure do turn off the TV week in May, but having it back (especially since we are getting MORE rain *gag*) it helps keep me sane.  And it helps keep Monkey sane.  He gets cabin fever.

boring

It is mean that I call my son Freddy Krueger because he refuses to let me cut his finger nails??  I’m going to have to get them registered if he won’t let me cut them soon…

“Yes I am here to register my son’s toenails as deadly weapons.” Hah!

Every time I try to cut them he starts screaming and wiggling like I am going to cut his hand off.  I am holding BABY clippers y’all!! Not a chainsaw!!  It’s quite a show.  *eyeroll*

freddy-krueger-claw

Speaking of my little mountain climber, yesterday morning he decided to climb out of his crib for the first time.  Freaked him out!  Not nearly as much as it scared me, I’m sure.  But he was fine, just a little shaken up.

So last night, Hubby converted his crib to a toddler bed and we baby proofed every square inch of his room.  Lucky for us he sleeps with the door closed and can’t turn door knobs yet.  That should be fun when that occurs.

So I put some toys in there in hopes of getting him to stay quiet for just an extra few minutes as to afford Mommy a few extra winks.  Which actually worked out ok for about 30 minutes this morning.  It would have worked better though, if I didn’t have Mommy Radar.  You  know… the radar that makes me shoot out of a complete sleep as soon as his breathing changes on the monitor?  Yeah so I was awake but at least able to lie in bed and pretend to sleep for another 30 minutes this morning.

His room looks pretty good though, don’t you think?

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And yes that is a baby gate in the window to keep him away from the blinds.  Can’t afford to replace the blinds, but can’t afford to have him swinging from them or hanging himself on them either.  So his room is 100% baby proof now!! 🙂

Ok, I will stop with the random craziness! 🙂

Have a great day y’all!!


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about moi…

Hi, my name is Cass. I am married to an amazing man who loves me unconditionally. I’m a stay at home mom to a rockin’ 2 year old boy who I call Monkey. I have an 12 year old step-daughter who lives in another state. We miss her daily. We also have two fur babies, Daisy and Jazz, who keep us on our toes. They are awesome!

I am a complete goofball, a photographer and a constant out loud thinker. I am a grammar challenged, vulgar, cursing, sex obsessed Big Mama fumbling through life. Among other things, I battle PCOS causing infertility, Bi Polar, Anxiety and OCD.

Currently I am riding the fertility roller coaster in an attempt to make Monkey #2. This blog is about a little of everything. I hope you enjoy. Read at your own risk!

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my photography page:

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my validation!

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