Archive for the 'Ranting' Category


I’m Back! Monday Dribble

Happy Monday!

First let me just say thank you to everyone who sent the wonderful emails and messages last week.  The D&C was done last Monday and I am feeling much better to have put it behind us.  I just needed to take the week last week to just recoup and be with my family.  It was good for me to do that and I think it helped a lot with the healing/grieving process.

We saw the NEW awesome Dr W today for my post-op follow up.  He thinks that we should be ready to begin the process again in December.  So that is what we are going to shoot for.  Time will tell how my body reacts to everything and what the exact time frame will be but I am very optimistic that next time we will get a healthy pregnancy.

So moving on to funnier things, since that’s how I roll, yo!


Today while I was in the shower, Monkey was playing around the bathroom waiting for me.  When I got out of the shower, he stood there frozen staring at me.

Eyes as big as saucers.

In one hand he held the toilet brush *gag*.

And in the other… MY TOOTHBRUSH.

Oh yeah.

And guess who hadn’t brushed her teeth yet?  Just thinking of all of the things that he could have done with that toothbrush while I was in the shower made me a little dizzy.  LOL

At twenty months of age, Monkey has already learned the yummy goodness that is the “Cookie”.  This has recently been realized as a pretty cool thing.  Here is why.

He doesn’t like to try anything new.  ANYTHING new.  He turns up his nose and hollers at me every time I try.  By his reaction, you would think I offered him a flaming turd!


I want him to try new things, so I have to be creative.  I try to trick the toddler brain.  Last week I got him to eat slices of cucumber by asking him “want a cookie?”  Today, slices of Apple, same thing.  How bad am I?

Eh, it works.  I am going to go with what works.

Ok, I have a serious issue.  And I really need some advice from y’all.

The babysitter.  Monkey LOVES her.  But she is stinking up the house!  It’s insane how bad the smell of dog urine is after she is here.  As soon as she walks in the door I am smacked in the face by it.  I have no idea what to do about it.  I am sure she doesn’t realize this and up until now, I haven’t felt that there is any way that I could tell her.  But now, I think I have to.  I am using a TON of febreeze and Lysol every day now to rid the smell from my house.  I have to febreeze everywhere that she sat.  Which isn’t hard to figure out because the green smoke rising from the carpet or couch cushion is a good indicator.

All I can think of is that while she is here, Monkey has to suffer through that smell.  If it were me, I would go crazy.  I never get used to the smell.  I can’t imagine how anyone ever could.

I have been checking my carpet with the black light almost every evening now to make sure it isn’t my dogs.

I don’t know what to do!!!

Would you tell her?  How?!?!  Please tell me what you think I should do because I don’t want to lose her as a Nanny but I can’t deal with it anymore.  *sigh*



Doctors Schmoctors!!

I have all these blogs that have been bouncing around in my head.  Things I want to get on paper.  And yet when I sit down to write them my brain goes blank.  Is that weird?  Well I can tell you it is most annoying .  Grr.

I am working on a good TMI post for tomorrow 🙂  Should have you all giggling pretty well.  So look forward to that and bear with me while I do a little griping.

Today I am sort of having this little pity party for myself.  I am feeling all emotional and wondering if things are going to work out with this pregnancy.  I am scared, but trying to remain hopeful.

Part of what is frustrating me so bad is that I feel like the doctor, Dr M, I have here in Texarkana is pretty much a moron.  I just don’t get good vibes from him.  I had to start seeing him because my infertility specialist, Dr G, who is based in Dallas, works with Dr M here in Texarkana.

Usually, or at least in my past, I have had an ultrasound tech do all of the ultrasounds on me.  Someone who is very familiar with Ultrasound machines and who is trained exclusively in reading and deciphering them.  Dr M does his own ultrasounds.  In my head I am guessing this is an attempt to save money.  Makes sense.  Well it would make better sense if I felt that Dr M actually had extensive training in administering the ultrasound.

The problem is that I don’t think he has a clue.  I will be laying there and he is all up in my bidness with that HUGE probe scanning my innards, and he always has this look on his face like… “uhhh… ummm… uhhhh, whats that? Uhhhh” It is *not* very reassuring.

The first time he actually was able to find the gestational sac. (last Tuesday the 15th) it only happened after about 15 minutes of him searching and saying there was no sac.  It was when I tried to move to reposition myself because he was STABING ME IN KIDNEY being too aggressive that he said, “Oh wait! I think I see something” and then had the nurse prop my hiney on a few towels for a better look.  Apparently my position helped.


He was about to let me leave thinking that I had no gestational sac and that I didn’t have a viable pregnancy, because he couldn’t FIND the sac!?  Looks pretty darn clear to me on the screen!

Isn’t there a procedure in place for ultrasound techs to scan the entire uterus?  It isn’t that big people!  It’s like the size of your fist!  So, SERIOUSLY!  How does he miss it?

So then this last week he is scanning around up in there trying to find something, with that typical dumbfounded look on his face and I have to remind him “Don’t you want me sit on those towels so you can get a better look?”

Dr M: “Oh! Yeah let’s try that.” Like he came up with the idea all by himself.

Then as you know he wasn’t able to find a heartbeat and he said he “thinks” I am measuring at 5 weeks and 5 days.  This just leaves me thinking… Does this guy really have any effin clue??

He doesn’t deliver babies anymore.  And I am starting to understand why.  Hubby says he was probably drunk all through medical school and cheated his way through it.  I am starting to think he might be right.

So with all of this frustration I have, I called Dr G, the specialist in Dallas.  This guy I trust.  He knows his shit and he doesn’t beat around the bush.  (Pun not intended… or was it? *evil grin*)

Anyhoo, Dr G says that he hasn’t known Dr M for very long and that he was approached my Dr M to do a remote partnership so that the patients in Texarkana would have access to a Fertility Specialist.  Otherwise, they do not.

After I tell him about all of the red flags I am seeing, he says he wants to see me in person and that he will be willing to work with any other doctor I choose in Texarkana, so that I don’t have to see Dr M anymore.  Yay!!

I have an appointment to see Dr G on Friday at 3PM.  He makes the 3 plus hour drive to Texarkana once a month to see the patients he has here.  I am very anxious to see him.  I am sure he will be doing another ultrasound to let me know what his opinion is.  Since this guy does this EVERY DAY and this is his life, I am feeling much more confident that he can tell me what the actual diagnosis is.

Dr M never gives me any details or information on anything.  We always have to dig it out of him and still don’t feel we get nearly enough.  Things are NOT that way with Dr G.

I am totally stoked!  Friday cannot come soon enough!  FINALLY we should have some answers.  I NEED TO KNOW!!!

Thanks for listening to my rant. 🙂



Random thoughts

This blog was originally posted on MySpace.

***Warning!! I am in a baaaaaaaaad mood. I curse A LOT when I am in a baaaaad mood… so don’t read if you are off put by that. *****

Ok I am just in a foul ass mood this evening and I am going to get it off my chest. Don’t read if you don’t want to, it is totally up to you. I have some random things to say (Bruno, call me a copycat, I dare ya!) and without further ado, here goes…

I don’t understand why the drama goes on around here, other than making me laugh quite frequently I think it is insane the name calling and backstabbing that goes on. Also I have lost a lot of readers lately, probably cause my blogs have been shitty, so for those of you who have stayed with me… thanks.

One of my biggest pet peeves in the world is a mooch. Ya know, one of those people who takes takes takes and no matter what you do, it seems to never end. Even after you tell them to stop fucking taking! Or even worse, one of those people who does you a favor (saying they are doing it because you are their “friend” and care, blah blah gag me) and then expects that you will owe them for the rest of your life. You know the ones. These people are shitholes and I am going to go postal on the shithole that lives with us if he doesn’t stop it. *side note – on the off chance that said roommate is reading this… STOP EATING MY FUCKING FOOD! STOP USING MY SHIT! BUY YOUR OWN ASSWIPE!! I DO NOT OWE YOU ANYTHING ANYMORE FOR WHAT YOU DID! YOU ARE A MOOCH AND I AM SICK TO DEATH OF IT! ok moving on

Or should I say lack there of. Does anyone else feel trapped by time? Why oh why do I never have enough time in the day to accomplish the shit I need to get done? Does anyone have any time management advise that they can offer? I am serious. I need it. please tell me. give me the goods man!

I’m sure you know because of previous blogs that I have a major hatred for bugs. And I also live in the wrong place to dislike the nasty fuckers. BUT… I saw the biggest brown square bug, (yes i said square- it looked like a stamp!) on my PILLOW today while I was trying to make the bed. “Hello? Orkin man? yes, can you come kill the BUICK on my pillow? I would really appreciate it.” I mean EWWW!! What is my luck? I have and have had this place sprayed for bugs more times than I can count and yet they keep coming back. What the hell is up with that??? Do they meet somewhere and exchange notes? “yeah yeah, i know this one place to go dude… this chick will FREAK OUT! yup she screams and jumps up and down and everything, you gotta go there!” and then voila! bug in my bed?? I WANNA GET OUTTA HERE

How can you not love the amazing moment a wonderful aged Shiraz hits your lips? I’m just sayin. It’s heavan. And I do NOT have a drinking problem because I drink wine every day… OK?!?!?

~Cleaning and Cooking
I have decided that these are two things I am never going to do again. I hate it, its overrated. I work my ass off everyday in this house and all I ask for is that the boys take off their boots before traipsing mud thru my house all over my clean floors. Can they do it? NO… so can I clean up after them anymore? NO They are 40 and 53, they are old enough to grab the fucking broom!

That is all…



I am a Blog Slacker… I’m so sorry :o(

This blog was originally posted on MySpace.

Hi all,

I am sooooooooo sorry … I have been having a very difficult time reading everyone’s blogs. In a nutshell… I hate my job, the girls there are mean to me; I made myself sick with a fever and major stomach issues (cause I hate my job) and thus my stomach and I are in a HUGE fight right now.. lets just say I don’t know if counseling will get us back together, but we agreed to try ; I have friends coming into town tomorrow and its going to be crazy around here; my sleep habits are totally screwed up because I dream NON stop from the time I get into bed until I get out of it and so I feel like I am not getting any sleep at all (any suggestions?) and they are totally bad and scary dreams; my computer is acting SUPER weird lately and I can’t figure out what the hell is wrong with it other than I suspect it wants to leave me; My internet access is provided to me by a super teeny tiny cable company (remember I live in a town of 416 people? well we have our own cable company) and it is having major issues because they are “trying to improve” our service; I am goddamn crabby!!! That’s just the tip of the iceberg!!

So please bear with me everyone, I will be coming in to check blogs every few minutes between running to the bathroom and trying to relax on the couch. I might even make an attempt at watching a movie.

I think I will quit my job but I feel like a total failure and I want to cry just thinking about what a pussy I am being. I just don’t know what to do. They are so mean to me there. I just don’t want to let anyone down or have anyone think that I am a fuck up because I can’t hack working a job at a tiny retail store for more than a week! See, I used to work regular jobs with regular hours without a problem. But I just don’t know if this shit is worth it for a measly 8 bucks an hour!

I’m so very depressed right now… i could kick myself for getting myself into this damned position! Someone just frigging smack me for being such an idiot!!

So please forgive me i will get to your blogs, all of them…. i promise! also forgive my HORRIBLE grammar and jumping all over in here, i’m sure the spelling speaks volumes and i am not even going to proof read this cause i don’t really want to :o(

Hope you are all having a MUCH better week than me and I miss you all!



about moi…

Hi, my name is Cass. I am married to an amazing man who loves me unconditionally. I’m a stay at home mom to a rockin’ 2 year old boy who I call Monkey. I have an 12 year old step-daughter who lives in another state. We miss her daily. We also have two fur babies, Daisy and Jazz, who keep us on our toes. They are awesome!

I am a complete goofball, a photographer and a constant out loud thinker. I am a grammar challenged, vulgar, cursing, sex obsessed Big Mama fumbling through life. Among other things, I battle PCOS causing infertility, Bi Polar, Anxiety and OCD.

Currently I am riding the fertility roller coaster in an attempt to make Monkey #2. This blog is about a little of everything. I hope you enjoy. Read at your own risk!


my photography page:



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