Archive for the 'Just for Shits and Giggles' Category



21
Aug
09

Monkey Eggs with Acne Weather Dear So and So…

Dear So and So...

Time for another Dear So and So…

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Dear Monkey,

Dude!  Could you be any flippin’ cuter this week?  When I asked you today if you were being a Drama King and you looked at me and said “grama – eeng?” I knew you were my son.  You make a Drama Queen Mama proud.

Also, I so love how you are kissing everyone you can get your lips on right now!  Dogs and stuffed animals included.  Although you don’t say much other than “car” and “what’s that?”, I know already that you have a huge heart.  It melts mine to think about it.

Love you SOOO much!

Mommy

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Eggs

Dear Eggs,

I am praying that at least one of you (fertilized of course) has taken up residence in my uterus this week.  The doctor says that is probably the reason I woke up in excruciating pain Monday night.  I hope he is right.

Trying to stay positive and hopeful,

Me

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captcha

Dear all bloggers with a captcha,

Requiring someone of my incompetent caliber to type a captcha every single time I try to leave a comment is just cruel.  If my fingers and/or eyes worked a little better then I wouldn’t complain.  But since my fingers and brain are on the “outs” right now, it frustrates me to no end that after I have typed up my whole “über cool” comment, your captcha catches me typing one wrong letter and kicks me out to start ALLLLLLLLL over again.  If you love me, and I know you do, remove those captchas!

Kthanks,

Cass

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zits

Dear Adult Acne… (again),

Ok, so I was nice before.  But now I am staring to get pretty peeved.  Placing that massive zit on my chin?  NOT COOL!  You suck, you suck, you soooooo suck!

Fed the hell up,

Your face

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smiley-face-tongue

Dear Mother,

Please stop being a beyotch.  If you don’t want to talk to me, fine.  Making fun of me when you do talk to me and then refusing to tell your one and only daughter that you love her too when she says she loves you is pretty shitty.  The first ten times, I know it was your anger speaking.  But now?  CHILDISH!  Nnkay?  Get off your high horse.

Much love,

Your daughter

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tornadowarning

Dear ArkLaTex Weather,

Rain is supposed to be cozy and comforting and something that makes you grab a nice book and a blanket and sit by a window to enjoy.  YOUR rain on the other hand is flipping ridiculous here!  Will there ever be a rain drop to fall on this city when a SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WARNING has not been issued or will I ever hear thunder in this town without a closely followed TORNADO WARNING issued for the area?!?!  It’s so not funny anymore.  Let’s make a deal, ok?  I will promise not to complain when you rain if you promise to stop making me beg God to let me make it through another one of your nasty storms.  Deal??

Flustered,

Cass

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Steelers Square (1 of 1)

Dear Steelers,

You are going to rock this year.  I KNOW it!  Woot! Woot!

🙂

Your Fan,
Cass

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you rock

Dear Readers,

You Rock!  Thank you for another wonderful week of reads and comments!

I do hope that you chose to participate in Dear So and So. Just click here to go to Kat’s Blog and get the button for your page.

Have a fantastic weekend!!!

Thanks for reading!!

Xoxo

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18
Aug
09

Cops who pee, smelly plugs, crappy friends and other Random Tuesday Thoughts

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If you want to play along with Random Tuesday Thoughts, go here to get the widget and add your name to Mr. Linky.

Oi!  Today is one of those days.  Just blah.  It’s hot outside and I am feeling Oohgy! (yes it’s a word, cause I just said it was).

I am still a little crampy and puffy from the IUI last week.  The doctor says its normal but wants to see me just to be sure that I am not over-stimulated and by that they mean in an “uh oh, you’re in trouble” kinda way.  So another ultrasound, which is always fine by me.

Friday marks 10 days since the IUI so I am hoping we will get a BIG FAT POSITIVE pregnancy test by then. I am soooo feeling like this is going to work this cycle. *grin* Positive thinking? Perhaps.  But either way, I am stoked!  Can’t wait.

The other day there was a cop sitting out in front of our house to catch people who don’t stop at the stop sign.  No big deal, they cops are there a lot.  I always offer them bottled water, because sucking up to cops who are catching A-Holes speeding and running the stop sign in front of my house are the kinda cops I wanna suck up to.  *nod*

So after an outing, after I get out of the car, I say hello to him and let him know that if he needs anything, just feel free to knock on my door.  He politely thanks me and returns to his eagle eye watching of the stop sign.

Then about an hour later, I am passing through the kitchen and happen to notice the officer getting out of his car.  He opens the door, leaves it open, walks around to the back of the car and proceeds to *URINATE* on the street.  Right there, plain as day.  I was in shock.  I just thought… “ohhh myyyy gawwwd!”.  But what are you gonna do?  I suppose when you have to go, you have to go, right?  *shrug*

Which reminds me of a bathroom issue.  Why are there never enough damn outlet plugs in a bathroom??  Do home builders really not realize what women people do in a bathroom?

I have a HUGE master bathroom.  I have no idea why they built my bathroom so big in comparison to the size of my house, but I *LOVE* it!  Seriously, everyone who see’s it says “Oh my god! Was that supposed to be an extra bedroom?” or “Who the heck needs a bathroom that big?!?”.  And Chuck and I have even joked that we could put our king size bed into that bathroom with plenty of walking space left.  Because we could!

However, there are only 2 outlets in the whole thing.  There are his and her sinks on opposite ends of the room and yet there are TWO outlets!  That is only 2 little plugs for each of us.  If Chuck’s is all used up by his toothbrush and his electric shaver, then please tell me how am I supposed to plug in my smelly wall thingy from Bath and Body works, my night light (cause I might just be afraid of the dark), my electric toothbrush, my straightening iron and my blow dryer???  I am always unplugging stuff to plug in other stuff.  And then sometimes I get confused and plug in the wrong thing.  It’s crazy!

After I win the lotto (hah!), I plan to build myself with enough outlets for any practical gal, and a set of his and hers toilets. *grin* This way I always know what I am going to be sitting on. Yeah baby.

Oh oh oh, and gueeessssss what???? Ok, I know you can’t guess BUT… Today my GRAM will be here!!!!!! WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!  I am so excited!  She will be here for 3 glorious weeks!  We are going to go shopping and play with the Monkey, and maybe go to the zoo, and go to a baby consignment sale at the fairgrounds, and we are going to cook and bake and have the BESTEST TIME!!!  I can’t wait! 😀

I heard this funny answering machine message in an email joke the other day and I am pretty sure I will be changing my voicemail to say this.

“I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.  I am making some changes in my life.  Please leave a message after the beep.  If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.”

It is time for Mama to make some serious changes in my life. It has been a long time coming.  I have several friends that I need to cut ties with.  However, I have decided that as of today, I am giving all of them a clean slate.  BUT!  Going forward, I am no longer letting people walk all over me, have one sided “all about them” conversations EVERY FRIGGIN TIME WE TALK, not letting them abuse my super huge caring heart *grin*, or letting them lie, and not letting them bring all sorts of negativity in my life.  Going forward, it is all about good, positive, giving, HONEST, real people.  All the others will be shunned.  *nod*

What are some random’s in your life today?  Do you have anyone you need or plan to sluff off?  How do you plan on ridding yourself of them?


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31
Jul
09

Dear So and So…

Dear So and So...

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Dear Karen,

I know you are the “liaison” that I am supposed to speak to at Fertility Specialists of Dallas, however, you have a really shitty attitude and I have about had it up to here!  Please stop thinking the world revolves around you and learn a thing or two about CUSTOMER SERVICE.  Need I remind you I am giving your office my child’s college fund for the hopes of another pregnancy?  So, yeah, try to remember that next time I am being OVERLY nice to you even though you deserve obscenities and a smack.

Got it?

Cass

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Dear Hubby,

You rock.  Seriously!  You are so amazing and I am so lucky to have you.  I know I am going through some serious mood swings right now and I know it isn’t easy.  I can see that look that you sometimes get on your face where your mind is deciding whether to tell me to shut the hell up (which is what I deserve) or being the sweet agreeable husband that I need lately.  I so love that you are choosing the later.

Love,

Your devoted, cranky, irritable, but very loving wife

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Dear Baby Teeth,

Get on with it already!  My poor kid is now chewing on my poor couch!  Must you constantly grow?!?  I plead with you to just GET IN THERE already and give Monkey some peace.

Running out of Infant Midol,

Mama

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Dear Adult Acne,

It wasn’t enough that you drove me crazy over my teen years.  And then drove me bonkers as a young adult.  But to come back again in my thirties?  That is just true love right there.  Thanks so much for making me feel like a teenager again.  It is totally swell.

Seriously though?  Vacate the premises or Mama is going to get drastic.

Can’t really do anything about it except complain,

Me

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Dear Monkey,

I know you feel the need to be held by me 24/7 right now, and while I would LOVE to hold you always, there are just some things Mama can’t do with you in her arms.  Like vacuuming, driving, showering, making the bed, or trying to use the bathroom.  Although the latter, you really seem to think is a bonding moment.  It isn’t.  Just so you know.

Love you even though you are super needy and making me a tiny bit crazy right now,

Mama

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Dear Mosquito that bit me on the tip of my nose last weekend,

Thank you so much for your love bite.  However the huge swollen bump on my nose that most resembles a zit has made me feel like Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer all week.  Clearly I already have issues with my complexion (see above) so you aren’t helping matters much.  Not to mention my depth perception is all thrown off because I keep seeing a big red spot in my line of vision where my nose once used to reside.

Please mention to all your nasty mosquito friends that I will not take kindly to this kind of abuse any longer.  Why must you all feast on me like Thanksgiving dinner?  It may have been a little funny when you thought to bite me on my rear end so that I was forced to walk around scratching my butt all day.  And it might even have been a good giggle when you got me right on my boob so that I had to pretend to want to hug everyone, even strangers to get a little itch out of the deal.  But I assure you, this most recent event has been the final straw.  I will… probably do nothing… but you better be scared anyway.

Jerks,

Tasty Skinned Mosquito Magnet

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Dear Poopy Diapers,

You are becoming more *gag* alarmingly *gag* disgusting.  Please stop.

Kay thanks,

The Diaper Changer

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Dear Readers,

If you would like to participate in Dear So and So, click here to go to Kat’s Blog and get the button for your page.

Have a fantastic weekend!!!

Thanks for reading!!

xoxo

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22
Jul
09

Helpful Tips and Hints from the Desk of a Toddler

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Hi there!

I know you expected my Mama’s usual *boring* blog, but instead today you get me!  I am James, otherwise known as Monkey.  I will be guest blogging today on Mommy’s website, because for a 17 month old, I have a lot to say.

Today I’m going to give you some helpful tips that you can use to help Mommy clean house.  You’d better get a pen and paper so that you can write this down.  You don’t want to miss anything. *grin*

Tip #1:  Vacuum Assistance

Mommy’s need extra help when vacuuming.  I used to hate the vacuum and I would scream and scream.  But then one day, because I like to keep Mama on her toes, I decided to switch it up on her.  From that moment on, I became obsessed “in like” with our vacuum.  I find that one of the best ways to express my love for the vacuum is to throw toys at it while Mommy is vacuuming.  Mommy loves it when I do this.  Books and toy cars work best.  And you MUST run away laughing and screaming like a goofball after each throw.

Another fun activity and handy way to help is to play “Vacuum Chicken“.  I think this is the most helpful to Mommy.  The rules to Vacuum Chicken are easy.  Just run full force at the vacuum, screaming as loudly as you can.  The first one to swerve out of the way is the Chicken.  Mommy always looses this game.  Be prepared if Mommy stays her course because then there will be a collision.  But this is great too because it gets some wonderful cuddle time with Mommy (especially useful in delaying Mommy’s chores).  Use your best fake cry while doing this to win extra points.

My favorite is to help Mommy vacuum the play room.  This is the best time to take all of your toys out of their proper storage place and throw them into a pile in the middle of the play room floor.  It is very fun to watch Mommy try and vacuum around all of my toys.  This is also the best time to try and dive bomb the vacuum.  Mommy won’t know it is coming, so you can easily catch her off guard and watch as she tries to scurry out of the way.

Tip #2:  Bed Making 101

Mommy loves my help when she is making my bed.  Because my bed is “safe” and stuff, the mattress fits very tightly.  So Mommy has to take the mattress out of my crib and put it on my floor to change my sheets.  This is when I like to sneak up behind Mommy and steal my bed sheet.  It is best if your Mommy doesn’t know you have done this, so be as quiet as a mouse.  Then I find that the best hiding spot is in the laundry room on top of the dirty clothes pile.  Mommy loves it when she has to search the house and hunt down my sheet.  And she REALLY likes it when she finds my fresh and clean bed sheet on top of the dirty clothes.  Especially because Daisy, our doggy has beat Mommy to the laundry room and has made a nice cozy bed out of my clean sheet.  This takes us to our next tip.

Tip #3:   Laundry Help

This is where Mommy’s really need the most help.  As soon as Mommy puts the laundry basket on the floor to fill it with dirty clothes, you need to grab the laundry basket and run as fast as you can in the other direction.  This will successfully help delay Mommy’s laundry duties.  Then she will chase you down and beg and plead for you to give it back to her.  Kicking and screaming is an excellent tool for getting your point across here.

Once Mommy has successfully mastered the art of washing a load, I like to assist her in putting the toys from the washer into the dryer.  Oh wait.. did I say toys?  I meant clothes.  But everyone knows that a plastic car is a good fabric softener so if you have one handy, you should throw it in while Mommy is not looking.  That way she won’t know that you have your plastic toy car in the dryer until she unloads the dryer later to find the melted car in with the clean clothes.

This takes us to dryer and folding assistance.  Mommy will again need you to steal the laundry basket at this time.  **Don’t forget to run away as quickly as possible.**  Make sure to run before she has filled it completely with clothes.  This way she has to carry the remaining clothes through the house in search of you and her basket.  This is an excellent way to get Mommy to drop clothes that you can later find and put into the bowl of dog water.  Mommy really loves this if you bring her the soaked sock or t-shirt while she is sitting on the couch folding the already dry clothes.  That is the most useful time to place said soaked item on top of the folding clean laundry pile.

The best way to assist Mommy in folding the clothes is to wait until she has folded all of the clothes in perfect little stacks.  Because then she will put all of the clothes in the laundry basket.  And if you are sneaky, this would be the exact time to swoop in and steal the laundry basket again.  As you know, the best course of action is running and then screaming when caught.  (Please see above.)

Tip #4:  Glass Table and Window Cleaning

In my house, Mommy and Daddy thought it would be extra fun to have all glass tables to keep me entertained.  So I love to help Mommy when she is cleaning them.  The key to successful Glass Table Cleaning Assistance is to make sure to wait until Mommy has washed all finger prints, smudges, slobber, and crusty questionables off of the tables.  That is when it best to stick your entire hand in your mouth, and then firmly place the wet hand on the table.  This next part is critical so make sure you write this down… Now it is time that you RUN, not walk, RUN around the table, making sure to keep the soaked and slimy hand securely on the table.  This is the best way to achieve proper application of slime.  This technique is also very useful for application of slobber to Mommy’s clean windows.

That’s all the time I have for today.  Mommy says something about a nap.  Next time I will give you a list of tips to assist Mommy with nap time as well.

Lots of Love,

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17
Jul
09

Dear So and So Friday…

Dear So and So...

So, apparently, I did the “Dear So and So” blog on the wrong day.  After reading blogs this morning, I found out that it was for Friday.  I didn’t know it was a specific day.  *Whoops* Now I do.  And you’re in luck because I have some more letters up my sleeve today.  🙂  Yay for you.

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Dear Skin,

It has been almost two weeks since the Sun brutally burned you.  I know you are still pissed, but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEEEEEEASE, stop peeling.  I am running out of lotion.

Now I know what a snake feels like,

Me

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Dear DJ Quik of the Texarkana Taco Bell,

While I am guessing that your real name is not DJ Quik, even though your handwritten nametag says so, I really want to thank you for an enlightening experience in fast food dining the other day.

I tried to be polite and let it go when I pulled up to the drive thru and you asked me if it was “for here or to go”.  But I just couldn’t understand how after I ordered “two bean burritos, that’s all” your response was “that will be $12.87, please pull around”.  Ummm…. Wait.  “No, sir, I’m sorry, I just wanted two bean burritos and that is all.” was my dumbfounded statement.  I understand you were frustrated with me for not wanting to pay six and a half dollars for a burrito, and I understand that you were even more frustrated with me when I chose to give you a credit card to pay for my two dollars in burritos.  However, it was ever so kind of you to fill my bag with not two burritos.  Not three burritos.  But FOUR burritos and a weird red taco.

Going to Del Taco next time,

Cass

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Dear Monkey,

I understand that you have just realized you have a voice.  A *LOUD* voice.  And I know that the first 19023874190 times that you showed it off to me, I laughed.  But… the game is up buddy.  Mommy doesn’t see the humor anymore.

Love you bunches,

Mama

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Dear Scale in my bathroom,

You must be broken.  Or you are evil and just like to watch me cry.

Don’t forget I own a hammer,

Cass

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Dear Ovaries,

Please do your job this month!  PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!  I am putting a lot of hope in you right now so do yer thang!  Kiss kiss!

Me

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Dear Readers,

If you would like to participate in Dear So and So, click here to go to Kat’s Blog and get the button for your page.

Have a fantastic weekend!!!

Thanks for reading!!

xoxo

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15
Jul
09

Dear So and So,

Dear So and So...

I first heard about this from Cammie who apparently got the idea from Kat . I have been seeing a lot of blogs like these recently and/or variations of them.  So I have decided to participate.  Because I have some letters of my own to share.

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Dear FeedDemon,

Please, please, please start working correctly.  I am missing several new blogs and am pretty darn peeved about it.  What the heck am I doing wrong?  Am I not giving you enough attention?  Me thinks not.

About Ready to Switch Readers,

Cass

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Dear Sister in Law,

I don’t care if you deleted me from you Facebook page.  For the SECOND TIME!!!  Even though EVERYONE else in the family is FINE with their pictures being posted from our VACATION!  I am done hoping that you will like me some day and I am DONE walking on egg shells for you.  So there.  Pbbbt!

Cass

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Dear Dish Network,

Please stop putting pop up messages on my Television!!  I know I need to send a payment.  I already get enough pop ups on my computer!  I don’t need them on my TV too!

Quit it or I will… just pout some more,

Cass

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Dear Monkey,

I know you want my undivided attention every single second of every single day, but Mommy needs to do other stuff than hold you and play cars all day.  Please meet me half way.  And when I say meet me half way, I do NOT mean throw yourself on the ground kicking and screaming when I set you down so that I can answer the phone.  Nnnkay?  Thanks.

Love,

Mama

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Dear My Own Personal Maid,

Please let God send you to me so that you may work for free and help me salvage what is left of my house.  I wish to see the carpet again and you are my only hope.  *sigh*  If you exist, please, please… call me.

Desperate,

Cass

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Dear Hubby,

Thank you for being patient with me right now even though I am being a hormonal bitch.  And thank you for not saying anything even though the last 2 days that you have come home from work, I have still been in my pajamas.  I know this hormonal roller coaster is just going to get worse, but knowing I have you in my corner makes it all the more bearable.  I love you for being you.  Thank you.

Love,

Your Bitchy Wife

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Dear Strange ‘door to door’ Guy who can’t read my “the baby is sleeping, DO NOT RING BELL” sign and RANG THE BELL ANYWAY,

Sorry I yelled at you this morning.  But HELLO! There is a sign!  I made it and everything!  Even though it’s just a post it note, it was there! In orange capitol letters!  I don’t know what you were trying to sell me, but I assure you, I would have been a much easier mark had you NOT RANG THE DAMN BELL!  I will be hanging a “No Soliciting” sign now because of you.

Go Away,

Cass

P.S.  I hope your knee is ok.  Maybe if you learn to PAY ATTENTION then you would have not walked into the side of my brick wall when you turned to flee.  Paying attention would have also helped you see my ‘DO NOT RING BELL’ sign!  Just sayin.

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Dear Readers,

Thank you for listening reading my babble.  I know it can be annoying and time consuming.  So thanks.

If you would like to participate in Dear So and So, click here to go to Kat’s Blog and get the button for your page.

Hope to see you again soon!

Cass

14
Jul
09

My Band

One blog I follow religiously is the Lovely Molly of Luminaire Images (aka: my favorite photographer of all time) and she posted this blog today. I just had to re-post because it was so fun!

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The rules are:
1. Go to “wikipedia.” Hit “random article” or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2. Go to “Random quotations” or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3. Go to Flickr and click on “explore the last seven days” or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4. Use photoshop or similar to put it all together.

5. Post it up!

I just thought that was so fun! 🙂  Hope you play along!




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about moi…

Hi, my name is Cass. I am married to an amazing man who loves me unconditionally. I’m a stay at home mom to a rockin’ 2 year old boy who I call Monkey. I have an 12 year old step-daughter who lives in another state. We miss her daily. We also have two fur babies, Daisy and Jazz, who keep us on our toes. They are awesome!

I am a complete goofball, a photographer and a constant out loud thinker. I am a grammar challenged, vulgar, cursing, sex obsessed Big Mama fumbling through life. Among other things, I battle PCOS causing infertility, Bi Polar, Anxiety and OCD.

Currently I am riding the fertility roller coaster in an attempt to make Monkey #2. This blog is about a little of everything. I hope you enjoy. Read at your own risk!

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my photography page:

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tweeeet:

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my validation!

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