Sooo… How are you? Good, good. Oh, how am I? I am peeved. Wanna know why? Ok but only cause you asked…
I don’t know what it is about my house! But bugs frickin love it! And apparently they are telling their friends. Bitches.
So, I have ants. IN.MY.KITCHEN!!!!
It all started about a week ago. I was doing dishes. And just as I was about to flip the disposal switch, which is precariously located right next to my kitchen window, I noticed an interesting array of tiny black dots. With an even more curious line black line leading from the switch to the kitchen window.
“What the… OH MY NASTYNESS! It’s ants!”
And they were all gathered on the light switch, which means that someone, (and I am not pointing fingers, because well let’s face it, it might have been me) touched the light switch plate with food or sweet “stuff” on their fingers.
So I rush to clean them all up with a Clorox wipey… *shudder* and dial the new found exterminator at the same time. What? I multitask.
Anyhoo… the Bug Kill Owner Guy answers on the first ring* and I tell him my sob story of the ants and how it’s only been 2 days since they were there to spray my house and how I cannot LIVE in these conditions and that the house might as well be condemned and, and, and …. Well maybe I just hinted at all of that. But seriously? He tells me that he can’t come by today and feeds me some line about it being his daughter’s wedding or some crap and I’m all “but there’s ANTS everywhere!!! They are taking over my kitchen, you have to come now!!” And he says they will be by on TUESDAY because Monday they won’t be in town because of this big wedding. Who is this girl, the Queen or something?!? JEEEZ!
*in my defense, I didn’t know I was calling his cell phone… that was the only number they gave me to call. although I totally would have called the cell number if they had given it to me… cause seriously when I dialed, I was waiting for the operator to ask me if i had an emergency and needed to have Dr Bug Killer paged, to which I TOTALLY would have said HELL YES!
Clearly he failed to see the importance of my MONUMENTAL ANT PROBLEM. And so he suggested I use Formula 409 and clean my house ”really good” and I am all “but I am clean, and umm…they are still here” and he insists that my house has to be “thoroughly cleaned” and so then I start to take a tiny bit offense. But instead of reaching through the phone and smacking the crap outta this dude for suggesting I am anything but the neat freak *cough* that I am, I am nice. Why? Well because for one I just paid these dudes 70 smackers to spray my house to kill ALL bugs and two, the only other exterminator in town still hasn’t returned my call from like 3 weeks ago. GRR! So, I have to deal.
So Sunday, I use Clorox to scrub the whole kitchen. Even in the cupboards because it seems that they have started to crawl their little nasty butts into the cabinet closest to the window. I take everything out of the cupboard and run it thru the dishwasher and then store it neatly on the counter furthest from the ants. Because as luck would have it NOT! that is the cabinet that we keep all of Monkey’s dishes in. Sippy cups, plates, forks and what have yous.
Then Tuesday morning, they come over and put down all this stuff outside of all the windows to “lure” the ants out. They are supposed to eat this crap and then die. Whatever. But they never come into the house to spray anything. And he tells me that they do this because if they spray then the ants will send out “panic alerts” (his words not mine) to tell the other ants to “abort” and move elsewhere. He says this will cause them to just up and move. Like to my bathroom. Fuckers. Gah!
So Wednesday, I still have ants and I call because I am like “what the hell man!?” and Bug Killer Owner Guy tells me that it could take up to two frickin weeks to work!! And then I kinda suggest that perhaps the ants are there because of something they did and how it’s weird that they showed up after they spray my house and this guy is all “Ohhh no! We don’t want to bring bugs in Maaaaaa’aaaaam” (He seriously drew out ma’am for like 10 seconds like that too) and so now I think I pissed him off. *sigh*
In all honesty, there have been maybe 50 ants. I spot 10 here or 5 there. But where there is one there is thousands, right?? And it has been 3 days and I still have them!!! It’s sooooo nasty!! I hate it!
Bug Killer Owner Guy made me promise I wouldn’t use bug spray inside the house. He swears that is the worst thing to do. But I have about had it up to here!!!
Yes, that was seriously a whole blog about ants. If you made it the whole way, I applaud you. I probably wouldn’t have. LOL
What is your take on it? Do you think I should jump ship and buy some bug spray?!!