The Dreaded Post…

The ultrasound Friday with Dr G didn’t go well.  Not only did he not find a heartbeat but the pregnancy stopped growing.  It not only stopped growing, but actually started shrinking.  Which Dr G says is normal when the pregnancy fails.

Last Monday, the crown to rump measurement was 1.8 cm, and Friday it was only 2 mm!

Dr G has referred me to a new doctor, so that I don’t have to see Dr M anymore.  However when I called the new doctor, he is out of town until next week.  So I have to go to Dallas to have the D&C done on  Friday.  Dallas is a 3 hour drive.  ONE WAY.  Should be a fun day.  I am going to request a sleeping pill so that I can sleep in the car on the way back.

We are going to try again, and life is going to go on.  This isn’t the first time.  Not even close.  But right now, I just need a bit of time to process.  To grieve.  To be angry.  To mourn. To curse the world and all of the pregnant “oops I am pregnant” women out there who have no idea how freaking lucky they are.  Bitter much?


36 Responses to “The Dreaded Post…”

  1. September 28, 2009 at 3:28 pm

    I’m so so sorry. Here I am…sad and bitter that this is my third cycle of Clomid and I’m just not hopeful. And you’ve gone through so so soooo much. I look up to you for being so strong and having the best attitude you can at this point. I’m glad you’re going to keep trying. Those women just don’t realize how lucky they are. I guess you’re lucky in a way…because you know it can happen. And the sperm met the egg (with help of course)…which is much farther than I can say for myself. But I heart you and will keep hangin’ in there with you!

    • 2 Mama Cass
      September 28, 2009 at 3:58 pm

      April, I was in your shoes for many years. I have done SEVERAL unsuccessful Clomid cycles. But I have a successful one sitting on my lap right now playing with his toy car. So trust me, it will happen for you. BE HOPEFUL. You have to be!

  2. 3 Jennifer
    September 28, 2009 at 3:57 pm

    I’m sorry that you have to go through this. I’m glad to see that you seem to have a healthy perspective of the situation. You do deserve time to be angry and mourn. Always wishing you the best. J

  3. September 28, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that the procedure goes as well as possible and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  4. September 28, 2009 at 4:22 pm

    I’m so sorry! I remember that day for me vividly. After I left my doctor appt, completely numb, I went across the street to see a close friend who had just had a baby. And cried on her shoulder.

    • 12 Mama Cass
      September 28, 2009 at 4:37 pm

      Oh sheesh that would be torture. I am just anxious for it to be Saturday. I am ready to move on. I need to move on. 😦

  5. September 28, 2009 at 5:54 pm

    Going to nap now I swear…just had to read this first. You know you have my unwavering support and hugs….and breezeway 😉 I wish I could make it better for you. I’m so sorry this happened again. I hope you find comfort…especially with that ridiculously cute little boy of yours. 😀 Even with all my miscarriages I never experienced the same thing..(we did have that panic at first with Puddin Face but they had miscalculated so I spent a week freaking out). I always felt BETRAYED by my body…like this was the most natural thing in the world for everyone else and I just couldn’t do it. But I could and I did. You did, too, and you will do it again. Just wish you didn’t have to go through all this heartache first. You know I’m here. xo

  6. September 28, 2009 at 7:23 pm

    Hey… my heart just about stopped as I read this. Part of me wants to scream and part of me wants to just offer comfort… but I know you are only going to find that in God’s hands…

    Truly. I want to tell you this… although you are not alone, I know that it can feel that way. And even though it happened to other women, this time it happened to YOU and this was YOUR precious child and no one can even imagine what that disappointment feels like.

    If there is ANYTHING I can do… send you some cookies or a cake or some money. I have $1 on my pocket. Its all yours. Just say the word.

    (Sorry. I make bad jokes when my heart is broken)


    • 16 Mama Cass
      September 28, 2009 at 9:26 pm

      Awww, thank you Amanda! That was so kind of you. So perfectly well said! And yes, send cookies AND cake. Or at least pictures so I can drool over them 🙂 Thank you!

  7. September 28, 2009 at 8:59 pm

    I am So Very Sorry.

  8. September 28, 2009 at 11:08 pm

    That is so aweful to hear! I lost one at 16 1/2 weeks, and I was just devestated. I never thought I’d have any more.
    Don’t let it break your spirit! Keep your chin up! And good luck with the D&C!
    And I will look forward to a post in the near future that says “We’re Pregnant”

  9. September 29, 2009 at 7:04 pm

    This so totally sucks. I was hoping everything was going well 😦

  10. September 29, 2009 at 8:30 pm

    I just saw this, I’m so sorry. There really aren’t any words that will make a difference, just know you are not alone.

  11. September 30, 2009 at 9:42 pm

    I am so sorry. I’m thinking about you. :big, big, big hugs:

  12. October 1, 2009 at 11:05 pm

    Oh, I am soooo sorry. I haven’t been to internet world in a week or so and just read this. My heart is breaking for you.

    I know it doesn’t help, but I kept repeating this ‘mantra’ when it happened to me.
    Magical, mystical or spiritual – it just wasn’t meant to be.

    • 30 Big Mama Cass
      October 1, 2009 at 11:43 pm

      I know. I have been telling myself a lot of that. I am being positive. Things will get better. And there will be a next time. I just know it. That is what I am focusing on. My beautiful Monkey and that there will be a next time. 🙂

  13. October 4, 2009 at 8:39 am

    We’ve been sick so I haven’t been around so I had no idea! I can’t imagine what you are going through. I’m so sorry. Hang in there hun, like you said, there will be a next time.

  14. October 12, 2009 at 6:36 pm

    Oh sweetie. I truly am sorry. I won’t pretend I know what you are going through, but know that you are in my thoughts.

  15. October 13, 2009 at 4:20 pm

    I’m really sorry. You are amazing and already having such a positive attitude.

Comments are currently closed.


about moi…

Hi, my name is Cass. I am married to an amazing man who loves me unconditionally. I’m a stay at home mom to a rockin’ 2 year old boy who I call Monkey. I have an 12 year old step-daughter who lives in another state. We miss her daily. We also have two fur babies, Daisy and Jazz, who keep us on our toes. They are awesome!

I am a complete goofball, a photographer and a constant out loud thinker. I am a grammar challenged, vulgar, cursing, sex obsessed Big Mama fumbling through life. Among other things, I battle PCOS causing infertility, Bi Polar, Anxiety and OCD.

Currently I am riding the fertility roller coaster in an attempt to make Monkey #2. This blog is about a little of everything. I hope you enjoy. Read at your own risk!


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