Helpful Tips and Hints from the Desk of a Toddler


Hi there!

I know you expected my Mama’s usual *boring* blog, but instead today you get me!  I am James, otherwise known as Monkey.  I will be guest blogging today on Mommy’s website, because for a 17 month old, I have a lot to say.

Today I’m going to give you some helpful tips that you can use to help Mommy clean house.  You’d better get a pen and paper so that you can write this down.  You don’t want to miss anything. *grin*

Tip #1:  Vacuum Assistance

Mommy’s need extra help when vacuuming.  I used to hate the vacuum and I would scream and scream.  But then one day, because I like to keep Mama on her toes, I decided to switch it up on her.  From that moment on, I became obsessed “in like” with our vacuum.  I find that one of the best ways to express my love for the vacuum is to throw toys at it while Mommy is vacuuming.  Mommy loves it when I do this.  Books and toy cars work best.  And you MUST run away laughing and screaming like a goofball after each throw.

Another fun activity and handy way to help is to play “Vacuum Chicken“.  I think this is the most helpful to Mommy.  The rules to Vacuum Chicken are easy.  Just run full force at the vacuum, screaming as loudly as you can.  The first one to swerve out of the way is the Chicken.  Mommy always looses this game.  Be prepared if Mommy stays her course because then there will be a collision.  But this is great too because it gets some wonderful cuddle time with Mommy (especially useful in delaying Mommy’s chores).  Use your best fake cry while doing this to win extra points.

My favorite is to help Mommy vacuum the play room.  This is the best time to take all of your toys out of their proper storage place and throw them into a pile in the middle of the play room floor.  It is very fun to watch Mommy try and vacuum around all of my toys.  This is also the best time to try and dive bomb the vacuum.  Mommy won’t know it is coming, so you can easily catch her off guard and watch as she tries to scurry out of the way.

Tip #2:  Bed Making 101

Mommy loves my help when she is making my bed.  Because my bed is “safe” and stuff, the mattress fits very tightly.  So Mommy has to take the mattress out of my crib and put it on my floor to change my sheets.  This is when I like to sneak up behind Mommy and steal my bed sheet.  It is best if your Mommy doesn’t know you have done this, so be as quiet as a mouse.  Then I find that the best hiding spot is in the laundry room on top of the dirty clothes pile.  Mommy loves it when she has to search the house and hunt down my sheet.  And she REALLY likes it when she finds my fresh and clean bed sheet on top of the dirty clothes.  Especially because Daisy, our doggy has beat Mommy to the laundry room and has made a nice cozy bed out of my clean sheet.  This takes us to our next tip.

Tip #3:   Laundry Help

This is where Mommy’s really need the most help.  As soon as Mommy puts the laundry basket on the floor to fill it with dirty clothes, you need to grab the laundry basket and run as fast as you can in the other direction.  This will successfully help delay Mommy’s laundry duties.  Then she will chase you down and beg and plead for you to give it back to her.  Kicking and screaming is an excellent tool for getting your point across here.

Once Mommy has successfully mastered the art of washing a load, I like to assist her in putting the toys from the washer into the dryer.  Oh wait.. did I say toys?  I meant clothes.  But everyone knows that a plastic car is a good fabric softener so if you have one handy, you should throw it in while Mommy is not looking.  That way she won’t know that you have your plastic toy car in the dryer until she unloads the dryer later to find the melted car in with the clean clothes.

This takes us to dryer and folding assistance.  Mommy will again need you to steal the laundry basket at this time.  **Don’t forget to run away as quickly as possible.**  Make sure to run before she has filled it completely with clothes.  This way she has to carry the remaining clothes through the house in search of you and her basket.  This is an excellent way to get Mommy to drop clothes that you can later find and put into the bowl of dog water.  Mommy really loves this if you bring her the soaked sock or t-shirt while she is sitting on the couch folding the already dry clothes.  That is the most useful time to place said soaked item on top of the folding clean laundry pile.

The best way to assist Mommy in folding the clothes is to wait until she has folded all of the clothes in perfect little stacks.  Because then she will put all of the clothes in the laundry basket.  And if you are sneaky, this would be the exact time to swoop in and steal the laundry basket again.  As you know, the best course of action is running and then screaming when caught.  (Please see above.)

Tip #4:  Glass Table and Window Cleaning

In my house, Mommy and Daddy thought it would be extra fun to have all glass tables to keep me entertained.  So I love to help Mommy when she is cleaning them.  The key to successful Glass Table Cleaning Assistance is to make sure to wait until Mommy has washed all finger prints, smudges, slobber, and crusty questionables off of the tables.  That is when it best to stick your entire hand in your mouth, and then firmly place the wet hand on the table.  This next part is critical so make sure you write this down… Now it is time that you RUN, not walk, RUN around the table, making sure to keep the soaked and slimy hand securely on the table.  This is the best way to achieve proper application of slime.  This technique is also very useful for application of slobber to Mommy’s clean windows.

That’s all the time I have for today.  Mommy says something about a nap.  Next time I will give you a list of tips to assist Mommy with nap time as well.

Lots of Love,


10 Responses to “Helpful Tips and Hints from the Desk of a Toddler”

  1. July 23, 2009 at 9:29 am

    You’ve got one of those, too! Love it! :+)

  2. 3 Mary
    July 23, 2009 at 10:07 pm

    I guess I should thank you for pointing out the one, perhaps only, benefit to not having en-suite laundry in our apartment: no toy fabric softener 😉

  3. July 31, 2009 at 11:03 am

    Oh my word! Monkey is stinkin’ adorable and I LOVED his helpful hints! Thanks for stoppin’ by my site, I’ll be stoppin’ back soon to see what that Monkey is up to.

  4. August 1, 2009 at 1:01 pm

    Here from the SITS Sharefest!

    Your little guy is quite a teacher!!

  5. August 22, 2009 at 2:03 am

    Ha, ha, ha! This is hilarious … perhaps if NHV were a little more helpful I could actually get some housework done … but where’s the fun in that? 🙂

Comments are currently closed.


about moi…

Hi, my name is Cass. I am married to an amazing man who loves me unconditionally. I’m a stay at home mom to a rockin’ 2 year old boy who I call Monkey. I have an 12 year old step-daughter who lives in another state. We miss her daily. We also have two fur babies, Daisy and Jazz, who keep us on our toes. They are awesome!

I am a complete goofball, a photographer and a constant out loud thinker. I am a grammar challenged, vulgar, cursing, sex obsessed Big Mama fumbling through life. Among other things, I battle PCOS causing infertility, Bi Polar, Anxiety and OCD.

Currently I am riding the fertility roller coaster in an attempt to make Monkey #2. This blog is about a little of everything. I hope you enjoy. Read at your own risk!


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