Of course, for those who haven’t already guessed, I am talking about me. I am one of those people who always prefers to know what my neighbors are up to. Partly it is just because I am nosy but it is also for safety concerns.
Like if there is a crime committed on the block, I like to think that if the cops came to me, I could be the one to put a break in the case! 🙂 Also, I like to make sure I know the cars on the block so that if there is a weirdo sitting in his car staking out a house he is about to rob (like mine), then I wanna know about it. I don’t think this is weird… it just is who I am.
If there is a cop car parked outside, I watch and make sure there isn’t a masked man lurking in my bushes.
If there is a fire truck passing by, I look to make sure there isn’t a fire coming to wipe out my house.
I am up front with my nosiness. I don’t pretend that I am not nosy. All my neighbors know it and I don’t care.
But because I am so nosy and always looking out my windows keeping up with everyone’s business *grin* I see a lot. I notice weird quirks about my neighbors. Today I am referring specifically to my crazy Southern Baptist neighbor, Jeff. (I mean no offense to Southern Baptists… just pointing out that you are… err… well… different… then a non Southern Baptist person such as myself)
I live in a corner house. Our houses are mirror images of each other. So my kitchen faces his kitchen. And I spend a lot of time in my kitchen so I see pretty much everything that goes on over there.
On the back side of my house is a huge open area of land that is what I most accurately call “The Forest out back” (if of course a forest was about 10,000 sq ft of trees and trash). Anyway, back on point… People like to dump their garbage there and it DRIVES ME CRAZY!! I don’t want garbage sitting just feet from my front lawn like a DUMP! Since Jeff’s yard also backs this field, it would be assumed that he dislikes the trash as much as me, right?
Nope. Apparently not.
Here is a good example:
I am feeding the Monkey his dinner and glance out the window to see Jeff pushing a wheelbarrow out of his garage, and watch him push it up my driveway, over my lawn and to the field. To which I then hear CRAASSSSSSHHHHH!!!!!!
OH. MY. GAWD!! He is DUMPING! On MY side!!
Now it’s one thing that ALL of my neighbors seem to think it is ok to drive up over my lawn in their riding lawn mowers to dump their grass into the field. I try to be the polite neighbor and not say anything, but inside I am SCREEEEAMING. But… I am already a bitch, so why fuel the fire? Right?
Anyway, back to the dumping. So… I was LIVID! So what does a livid mama do to stop the dumping? The first logical thing of course! I throw the baby on my hip and stomp out wearing my plaid pajamas at 6 in the afternoon. (Barefoot, of course.)
Let’s just say for shits and giggles that I was in my pajamas at 6 in the afternoon because I put them on a little early that night. And let’s not assume that I had been wearing them all day. Just go along with me here.
So, I stomp up to Jeff, baby on hip, red faced preparing to give him a piece of my mind:
Me: (yelling over the loud crashing noises) JEFF!! JEFF!! HELLLOOOO!!! JEFFFFFF!!!
…he stops what he is doing and causally walks over like he is just out for an evening little stroll… IN MY YARD
Me: Umm…? What are you doing?
Jeff: Oh hi, Cassi. How about this heat, huh? Sure is a killer.
M: Uhh… yeah it’s pretty hot, crazy… Umm What are you doing??
(yes I do say Umm and Uhh a lot… my brain is slow… dont judge me)
J: They say it’s supposed to get to 105 this week.
M: Yeah but what are you dumping???
J: I am just getting the kitchen remodeled.
M: Is that BROKEN TILE?!?!?! Are you DUMPING BROKEN TILE?!?!?
J: Oh, yeah, I am getting my kitchen redone.
The look on his face says he cannot understand my dismay. Which just pisses me off further. So then to make a long story short (I know, too late), he tries to convince me that the tile is not going to be any big deal and that “everybody does it”. I seriously had to threaten to call the police to get him to remove the tile! It took me a good 15 minutes of bitching and telling him that I didn’t care how they do things here in the south (which was his excuse by the way, “this is the way it’s done down here” he said) but that I wanted the tile removed because it was clearly a hazard not to mention ILLEGAL!
Why oh why?!?!
Finally he did, reluctantly, remove the tile. But lets just say he isn’t going to be house sitting for me anytime soon. Nnnkay?? *humph*
Do you have any loony neighbor stories to share? I have at least 55 reads a day, so if you are out there, please let me a comment, will ya? Help fuel my need for attention? 🙂