Let me not mourn…

This blog was originally posted on MySpace.

Four years ago today, I watched in horror as he took his final breath. It is something that has haunted me almost each day since. Should I have said something more? Did he know how much I loved him? Did he truly understand his impact on my life?

I don’t know the answers to those questions, but I tell myself that yes he knew and that because of my beliefs that every time I speak to him now that he can hear my words from the here after and that he knows. That he truly knows.

My plan was to write something beautiful to honor a man that was so much to me. I was so lucky to have him grace me as my second father. Some people don’t even get one father and I was fortunate enough to get two. Two really GREAT Dads. I don’t know how many of you can say that but I sure can, and I hold my head high when I say it. However, I don’t know if writing down all of his wonderful qualities is even in me right now. Some days it is just better to think about those wonderful past events and just live them again in your head rather than speak of them.

Within a few weeks my son, James Martin will be making his grand debut into this world. He is due on March 4th, just 5 days before my step dad’s birthday, March 9th. I don’t think this is a coincidence. I think this was the plan. How could I not name baby James after this man that meant so much to me?

In Loving Memory of
James Nicholas Paris
March 9, 1958 – January 21, 2004

Te Voie Bene Jim!


about moi…

Hi, my name is Cass. I am married to an amazing man who loves me unconditionally. I’m a stay at home mom to a rockin’ 2 year old boy who I call Monkey. I have an 12 year old step-daughter who lives in another state. We miss her daily. We also have two fur babies, Daisy and Jazz, who keep us on our toes. They are awesome!

I am a complete goofball, a photographer and a constant out loud thinker. I am a grammar challenged, vulgar, cursing, sex obsessed Big Mama fumbling through life. Among other things, I battle PCOS causing infertility, Bi Polar, Anxiety and OCD.

Currently I am riding the fertility roller coaster in an attempt to make Monkey #2. This blog is about a little of everything. I hope you enjoy. Read at your own risk!


my photography page:



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