Things I have learned from my Toddler #5

It is that time again for Things I have Learned from my Toddler!  If you want to see the previous four installments, click here.

I have learned that the toddler wants what the toddler wants.  If you have had or have a toddler, you know what this means.  If not… well then I can’t really explain it to you.  Go borrow someone’s toddler for 2 minutes and you will get it.

I have learned that if you are looking for your cell phone, the chances are good that Monkey hid it.  Not for any reason that you can figure out.  But there is a chance he will retrieve it when asked.  From places like his toy box, behind the TV and under his bed.  But there is also a chance that he won’t.  And that you will find it underneath your pillow, in the kitchen cabinet or in the hamper.  Regardless, be on alert at all times.

I have learned that if you make a #2 in the “big girl potty”, and your toddler happens to walk into the bathroom during or after the “occurrence”, you will not feel less embarrassed when he says “Ewwww!” even though it is only you and he in the room.

I have learned that my toddler is VERY territorial about food.  To “mark” his territory, he will take a bite out of everything that he wants and then set it down to ensure nobody else wants takes the item..  This includes all veggies that he thinks YOU will eat.  Or crackers, or MOMMY’S cookies.

I have learned that I cannot force my toddler to like ice cream just so I have an excuse to buy it even if I really think he should so I don’t eat it all cause it tastes so yummy.  And that in the world of what is yummy, he would prefer a juice box over ice cream any day.  Go figure.  (I know, what a weirdo, right?)

I have learned that when you are giving your toddler a bath and you hear this series of noises…

“Blurp Blurrrp”

“Hee hee heeee!”

“Blurrp Blurrrrp”

“Hee He He He Heeee!”

“Blurrrrrp”

“Uh oh”

“….”

“Ewwwwwwww!”

…It will be soon be followed with you having to bleach the tub and all the tub toys and washing your toddler in the bathroom sink all over again from head to toe.  Oh yeah, good times.

I have learned that letting your toddler stand behind you on your office chair while you play computer games work isn’t a good plan even though he screams bloody frickin murder if you don’t let him really wants to.  Because the truth is, lets face it, he inherited your balance and when he freakishly falls for no apparent reason face fist into the dresser drawer that is only open less than a half inch and puts a HOLE IN HIS FACE…. *deep breath* … you are going to feel like the worse mother ON THE PLANET.

Oh and then you will have to rush him to the ER and they will hold him down like a crazy murderer while they “FLUSH” his forehead with a fire hose! (ok maybe it was just saline) but I bet it FELT like a fire hose! And then they will use SUPER GLUE (medical grade super glue) to G.L.U.E. his forehead back together!!!

And then his perfect little face will forever bear the big ole sign telling the whole world “YOU ARE THE WORST MORTHER IN THE UNIVERSE!!!”

Or maybe he is just a boy and you need to get over yourself and suck it up cause I got a feeling there are more stitches and glue in our future with this one.

*sigh*

I have learned that 2 years goes by in a FLASH and that before you know it you turn around and you only have FOUR days until your precious Monkey has his second birthday! *gasp*

Some News and Daily Photo

HAPPY MONDAY!!!!

Did everyone have a fantastic Christmas???  I did!

I don’t have a lot of time to say a lot of what I want to say, so here is a running ramble update.

Got a Kindle, a tattoo, a Nintendo, UNDER THE DOME (yay) and tons of other FAB gifts, I think I am totally hot shit now; we are going to Colorado for 16 days WOOT!; can’t do fertility this month *frown*; have to wait till next month; have to pack and get ready to go cause we leave on Thursday morning; have tons of pics to post; most likely won’t be able to get to a computer while in Colorado; but going to try to have lots of posts ready to go before we leave; will miss you all terribly, but Colorado is going to be THE BOMB and yes I still say the bomb because I am wicked cool like that. Rad.   Any questions? lol

I will leave you with this because if it doesn’t make you smile and laugh out loud then clearly you have no soul.  lol And I want to hear about how much you LOVE it.

LOVE LOVE LOVE it.

*perfection*

Did Santa please you this year?  What are your plans for New Years Eve?  Any resolutions you plan to make this year?

One Year Ago… & Random Tuesday Thoughts

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One year ago today, Monkey took his first steps.  And I caught the whole thing on camera.  Yes it was only technically 2 steps (or perhaps 1 1/2) but when your kid is just 10 months old, that is BIG SHIZZLE!

It AMAZES me how much time has changed.  Now he runs all over the place like he’s late for a hot date.  As much as I wish he would slow down and walk, he just loves to run.  And fall.  Run and fall.  In that order.

I can’t believe that one year ago today I had a 10 month old and now I have a 22 month old.  WOW.  Those are worlds apart!

We start the injections this month.  This cycle.  I am nervous.  Not sure why.  Well, I am pretty sure I will get pregnant (knock on wood) but I am scared if I will stay pregnant.  I hope I hope I hope.

I want this to work so baaaaaaad!

I am trying to get my Christmas cards done.  But I have 150 cards to prep and I am sure as hell not writing all them addresses by myself!  No sir-ee bob!  And guess who is probably not going to write them all his-self either?  LOL Yup, the Hubby.

Soooo… I am trying to get all of them printed on my fancy home printer.  *sigh*

I have had this fancy Canon photo printer for about a year and other than printing 12348972903857 recipes and other random bits of fun, I have yet to print a photo or envelope or anything else of substance.  So, if anyone knows how the hell to use it… please come over and clue the clueless in.  Nnnkay??

There is not enough time in the day to get all of the shit done that I need to get accomplished.  I am getting seriously irritated about it.  I need to give up something.  But what?

Maybe I am just a slacker.

My Starbucks addiction is getting out of hand.  Even Hubby is starting to make subtle hints.  *humph*

I was going to have a bunch of photos prepared for you today but it didn’t happen.  Sorry

Tomorrow I plan to share pictures (plan being the oprative word) of Monkey’s new haircut!  Cut by the new salon in town “Mama does hair”.  They just opened.  And it’s super close!  All I have to do is drive through the master bedroom into the master bath and I am there.  Awesome deal.

ANNNND, he didn’t scream like a loon the whole time I was cutting his hair.  So.  Haircut WIN!  I did awesome too.  Sursly.

What’s new in your world?

I’m Late Random Thoughts

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So I’m LATE!  Not like that, although I soooo wish.  I am late with Random Thoughts Tuesday!  I just was too lazy busy to get to it yesterday.  Actually, I had a blog half started but never completed it.  Procrastinate much?

Are you TOTALLY stoked for the holidays?!?! I am! I love this time of year!  The Thanksgiving, The Christmas, The New Years.  YAY!!!

Thanksgiving was GRUB, and of course it helps that I am a FAB cook.  The meal came out beautifully and I am still amazed at myself for being able to do it all without feeling even a tiny bit stressed about it.

We got all of the inside decorations done.  The tree and all the pretty shiny lights and stuff everywhere.  I will take pictures this week and show you, since I KNOW you all have nothing better to do than look at pictures of my house all done up in it’s Sunday Christmas Best!  *snicker*

As you can tell, I am sort of in bitch mode right now.  Not sure why, it just happened.

As far as the outside lights, we haven’t put them up yet.  And by “we” I of course mean Hubby.  Cause of several reasons.

One… It’s outside of the house.  And this means, the possibility of creepy crawly things dramatically increases outside of the home.  Not my bag baby.

Two… I can’t stand on a chair without getting sick.  This means that my chances of standing on a ladder and climbing up on the house are NON EXISTENT.

And Three… watching anyone else doing anything dangerous (ie: standing on a ladder) makes me anxious and bossy.  So in the case of poor Hubby, then I would be out there all “be CAREFUL!”, “Wait, that isn’t safe”, “do you really think you should put that there?”, “is that safe?”, “stop rolling your eyes at me!”, “I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU! WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!” and so on.

Get it?  Yeah, yeah poor poor Hubby.  Moving on.

So you see why I don’t participate in the outdoor decorations?  But I of course want to see the lights on my house, so that means Hubby wins the honor of putting them up.  And lucky for me, he doesn’t complain about it.

And actually he does such a good job that the neighbors get jealous.  Here is a pic from last year.

We are the house on the left.  LOL

HAHA!! Seriously, can you imagine?  That is awesome!  Although I can’t imagine that dudes light bill!  Talk about overboard on the lawn ornaments! Sheesh!

The Fed Ex Guy just showed up, and for the 2nd day in a row he had to see my in my pink flowered MuuMuu.  Poor guy.  I have killed his sex drive for the better part of a week I would guess.

Are you searching for that perfect gift?  Not having a lot of luck?  This is a must have for those chilly winter days.  I am getting them for everyone in my family.

I need to get some editing done so that I can post some Daily Photo Blogs again.  I just haven’t had a chance.

Hubby got me a Nintendo DSi for Christmas!!  And I got it early.  Early as in, the day after Thanksgiving.  Schweeeeeeeeet!

It’s lots of fun, so I have been playing Brain Games (Not Mind Games, although that is fun too *wink*) and Puzzle games a lot.  I feel like an old lady though, trying to figure out how to get it going.  Give me a Pong or a  Nintendo and some Mario Bros. or Duck Hunt and I can kick some ass! But anything manufactured after 1987 is foreign to me.

OMG, do you remember Coleco?  Did you have one?  We did.  I used to play Mousetrap and Smurfs on mine.  LOVED those games.

Monkey is boycotting food again.  I think he is teething though because he is gnawing on his hands for the majority of the day now.  But yesterday I could only get him to eat a Tater Tot and an Apple.  I am so worried about this kid.  His dad and I love food! Why doesn’t he?  It’s weird.

Ok, now I am hungry after talking about food.  Haha!

Have a fantastic Wednesday!

Throw the Beer in the Lake Random Tuesday Thoughts

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We went puttering around the mall on Sunday and came across a dude in a red suit.  So we thought we would see if Monkey wanted to sit on the strange guys lap and take a picture.  Sounds normal right?  HAHA

Monk did GREAT on Santa’s lap.  This Santa was the sweetest man!! Monkey went right to him!  It was really neat.  He wasn’t really dressed for the occasion but I did wipe the pizza off of his face before the picture, so that’s something at least, right? haha

Here is the picture.  I did edit the contrast and saturation a little bit.  You know me, I can’t help myself.  Besides, now it’s gobs better.  Trust me J

I was really surprised that he didn’t cry or anything.  He went right to him.

I am still debating on whether or not I want to tell Monkey there is a Santa.  I have this whole weird issue thing in my head with lying to my kid, even if “all the cool moms are doing it”.  I just want him to like the idea but not think that if he is “naughty” then the dude will show up with coal.  Ya know?

Thoughts?

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I am making a Turducken for Thanksgiving.  Anyone ever had one?

I am changing it up a bit and leaving out the duck.  And the chicken.  *grin*

What? *blink*

That was funny.  *pbbbbt*

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I think I know why people always say I have slapstick humor. Its because they want to slap me with a stick when I am trying to be funny. *shrug*

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Another case of Hubby sleep-talking this week.  It always provides a giggle.  This one is sure to please…

Hubby (eyes still closed): “Throw it in the lake!”

Me (as usual, taken off guard): “Throw what in the lake?”

Hubby: “The beer!”

Me (stifling a giggle): “The beer?”

Hubby: “Yes.”

Me: “Umm… why would I throw beer in a lake?”

Hubby (clearly frustrated): “UH! Becaaaause it failed the breathalyzer!!”

Me (confused): “Wait… who failed the breathalyzer??”

Hubby (suddenly confused and calm): “umm… I dunno, I think the beer did”

Me (pushing for fun, heh): “Why did the beer take a breathalyzer?”

Hubby: “…………”

And he was out.  Lol

Good times.

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Military helicopters in groups of six have flown over my house four times since I wrote this.  Why does this give me the heebies?

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My dear friend Amanda entrusted me with her Grandmothers Spaghetti recipe.  We had it last night (Sunday night since I again wrote this blog a day ahead) and it was DELICIOUS!  But I really wish she had warned me about the effect it would have on all of us.  It sounded like there were 2 motorboats in my bed last night.  And there was another one in Monkey’s bed too.  I know because I kept hearing it on the monitor.

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Speaking of my ass (yet again) it’s healing really well.  You know what happens when you start to heal?  You start o itch.  Like crazy!! I just wanna stick both my hands in my pants and scratch my butt like crazy!!  But that would look funny and mostly likely elicit stares not to mention it would be the 2nd worst thing I have done this week.  The first of course was luring that spider into my pants with my super inviting, sexy fanny.  Hows that for TMI?  Wait, this isn’t TMI Thursday you say?  *grin*

What is random about your day?

 

Click here to view today’s Daily Photo Blog… Unamused Daily Photo Blog

“Poor Little Bunneh” Random Tuesday Thoughts

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Well, bad news.  My brain is on sabbatical… again.  Even though the last time I demanded requested that it not take vacation without written consent.  This is getting to be too much.  If this keeps up, I am going to have to give it the pink slip and put an ad in the paper.  *sigh*

It’s like it doesn’t even care about being a team player.  This is not the kind of show I am running here.  *humph*

Actually I think I may know why it up and skipped out on me.

It could be the cold medicine.  I want to leave my body too.

So clearly I am now sick. I am actually taking a quick break from sleeping all day to post this FANTASTIC little blog.  Because I am hopelessly addicted to blogging I missed y’all so much.

So yes the hubby got me sick.  *pout*

This is what it is like for me to be sick vs. when Hubby gets sick.

Just sayin.

LOL

I am going to go lay back down and hope that Hubby comes in and rubs my head to say “poor little bunneh”

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Six inch, Ramen, Cheesy “Not Me” Monday!

It is time for another “Not me” Monday. Time where I make it clear the things that did Not happen to me in the last week.  Feel free to click on the link above to read other “Not Me” Confessionals… errr… Not really. 

It was not me who took my kid out first thing in the morning to get a pick me up Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte.   It was then totally not me who stopped to chat with the neighbor and then lied to the neighbor when he asked “are those your sleep clothes?” by saying “no, ahem, they are just our lounge clothes” ignoring the fact that be surely noticed the sheep on my pajama pants and the footie pajamas on Monkey.  That is something I would NEVER do!

It was not me who let Monkey eat Cup-o-Noodles and Cheese Balls* exclusively because I didn’t want to listen to him scream and pitch a fit.  But it was not Monkey who was trying to mimic me after watching me blow on his noodles to cool them off.

He did this between each bite.  It was SO CUTE!!

*Yes, Carma, we are still eating the same batch of Cheese Balls that I bought how long ago?? HaHa

It was not me that tried for 20 minutes, through screams, kicking and crying to try and put a monkey costume on my Monkey perhaps just for the photo op.

In my defense, this pic was actually taken when we got the costume a month or so ago.  He obviously loved it just as much then as he did on Halloween.  Yay for Monkey Costume!

So I guess it was not me who finally gave up and just went to Johnny Carino’s instead.  And it was not me who let Monkey have spaghetti at Johnny Carino’s even though I knew it would end up all over everything and the busboy would be cursing me when we left.

nom nom nom nom nom

It was not me who was giggling while Hubby was getting a 6 inch Q-tip shoved up his nose to test him for the flu.  And it was not me who decided to document this moment for him forever and ever.

So cute, isn’t he?  He always sticks his tongue out at cameras.  Paparazzi and all.

Oh and it is sooooo not me who is PRAYING so hard that I don’t have to get the same Q-Tip treatment if this cold doesn’t go away. *gulp*

It was not me who stayed in bed this morning for an extra 30 minutes even though I could see Monkey on the monitor pulling EVERYTHING out of the dresser drawers.  But hey, 30 minutes is 30 minutes y’all.  Don’t judge.

What things were not you this week?

Make sure to link up if you blog “not me” Monday.

A Sexy and Musical Dear So and So Letters of Intent

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Dear Glee,

I am pretty sure you love the pants off me, and that is why you hired Mark Salling who plays Noah.  Hope he doesn’t mind being in many future, and *ahem* past, naughty dreams of mine.

I can’t be responsible if Hubby wakes up one morning soon with a Mohawk.  Oh yeah, who’s your Mama?

Rawwwr,

Mama

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Dear Hubby,

Thank you kindly for stopping at the grocery store last week and picking up some needed food items for me.  And thank you even more for going back in even after you had already paid to pick me up the newest copy of People so that I could read the article on Jaycee Dugard before the new issue of people came out that next day.

However, you will forgive my laughter and constant giggles when I walk by the kitchen counter and notice the “Country Music” edition of People that you got instead sitting there.  It was so kind of you, really it was, but I can’t help but laugh, me being the country music buff and all.  Lol

Now if only I knew some of the people this magazine is about.  Anyone wanna fill me in on some Country stars? *shrug*

Giggling,

The Wife

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Dear Jill,

OMG I am so stoked for my Jesus Is Not Offended Wall Calendar!!!  I would be willing to bet my life savings that you will be able to retire off of sales of the new calendar.  You are so amazingly talented.  Your artistic skills can only be compared to that of DaVinci or Michelangelo.  Honestly, I think you put the two of them to shame.

Anxiously watching the mail for my prize,

Cass

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Dear Hubby,

Wednesday night, you fell asleep on the couch.  While I was typing *this* blog (planning ahead ) you sat up, looked straight at me (or… maybe past me… anyhoo…) and you said “We will do it tomorrow night!” and promptly fell back down and into slumber.  I had to laugh.

Now, I am just trying to figure out what “doing” will be done.  Heh heh heh

Oddly turned on,

The wife

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Dear Nick Jr (formarly known as Noggin),

Usually I am totally irritated by all of your nonsense, even though Monkey seems to think you’re all good.  But this… this? is so frickin’ awesome!

Humming Three Little Birds a lot lately,

Mama

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Dear Monkey,

I love that you are suddenly being all Mommy needy right now.  Yes that is selfish of me because you are usually a Daddy’s boy.  But I am soaking that shizzle UP!  I love how you want to be held all the time and how you always want to be on my lap.  One thing that I really enjoy is playing the “what’s that” game with you.  You know… where you point to my hair and say “wuzzat?” and I say “that is Mommy’s Hair” and you point to my nose and say “wuzzat?” and I say “Mommy’s nose” and you stick your finger in my eye and say “wuzzat?” and I say “OWE OWE MY EYE MY EYE!!” and you laugh at me.  Fun times.  Sooo… let’s keep playing that, but with less… intensity.  Nnkay?

Love you baby!
Mama

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Dear Jon Gosselin,

Seriously?

I just threw up in my mouth,

Cass

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Dear Kelly,

Thank you for emailing me today.  You sent me the most hilarious joke I have heard!

It is a new take on the 3 little pigs nursery rhyme.

The Big Bad Wolf said,

I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down!

The three little pigs said,

Fuck off or we’ll sneeze on you!

Rolling on the floor,

Cass

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Dear Readers,

Time to play along! To participate in Dear So and So just click here to go to Kat’s Blog and get the button for your page. To participate in Letters of Intent, click here to visit Julie, over at Foursons and grab one of those buttons too!

Have a fantastic weekend!!!

Xoxo

Take a BITE outta… wait… whaaaat? Dear So and So Letters of Intent

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Dear Headache,

I have about had it up to *here* with you this week!  For the past 6 days in a row? Seriously!?!?

GO AWAY!

The Head

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Dear Monkey,

Why are you getting so aggressive with the girls this week lately?  Poor Jazz is going to rip your little arm off if you hit her again.  And poor Daisy runs anytime you even LOOK in her direction.  What’s up?

Just so you know, the growling is their way of telling you they don’t want you hitting them.  Nnnkay?

Feeling like a broken record repeating “don’t hit!”,

Mama

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Dear Toddler Clothing Makers,

Why is it that ALL of the pants I buy for my 20 month old son have a waist band big enough to stretch from her to Germany?  He is NOT abnormal.  There can’t be a whole lot of kids who can wear these pants without them falling down. Seriously.  I am baffled.  GRRRR

Irritated,

Mama

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Dear Monkey,

I know you run the show in this here house but, we need to get one thing clear.  Even though it is clearly your intent to live on Fruit Cups and Cheerios alone, you really can’t.  PLEASE eat something else for Mommy.  Please?

Love you baby,

Mama

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Dear Spider that crawled up and took a big CHOMP outta my butt the other night,

Was this some lame attempt at voicing your attraction to me?  No? Oh.

Was this your way of giving me good blog material? No? Oh.

Was this your way of telling me that you knew the exterminator was coming and you just wanted a last bite before death?  No. Oh.

Was this you just doing what spiders just do naturally, you creepy little buggers?  Yeah, I thought so.

Not cool buddy, not cool!

Lamest joke teller of all time,

Cass

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Dear Durex,

I love you for making this commercial.  I have seen it a gazillion times, but totally can’t stop watching it.

Rolling on the floor,

Cass

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Dear Readers,

Time to play along!  To participate in Dear So and So just click here to go to Kat’s Blog and get the button for your page.  To participate in Letters of Intent, click here to visit Julie, over at Foursons and grab one of those buttons too!

Have a fantastic weekend!!!

Xoxo

A CheeseBall Daily Photo Blog

Yes, I really meant Cheese Balls!!   This was just for fun.

And yesssssss Carma this is for you!! lol  After a lot of pressure, err… nudging here is the pic you have been waiting long for!

Have a great Monday all!